Last week I had the chance to meet up with Rachel Simmons, founder of the Girls Leadership Institute, New York Times bestselling author, and all-around girl guru. Rachel was speaking at the wonderful all-girls middle school Seattle Girls’ School, where I am on the Board of Directors, about healthy relationships between girls and the importance of being your authentic self. Her presentation was dynamic and inspiring, and she presented real-life strategies for handling a ton of different kinds of uncomfortable and awkward situations between peers.

I especially loved the new concept she introduced called the “no joke zone” or NJZ. The NJZ refers to the fact that we all have our buttons or things that we feel insecure or self-conscious or uncomfortable about, and therefore, joking about them among friends should be off-limits. Here’s how it works. Say I’m super insecure about my height (which I was in middle school). Making jokes relating to my height would have been part of my NJZ. On the other hand, joking about something like my nose or my voice or my clothing wouldn’t have bothered me, therefore that material didn’t have to be off-limits. The idea behind the NJZ is that everyone has their unique sensitivities and you can avoid a lot of hurt feeling and passive aggressiveness by stating upfront…”That’s in my NJZ.” Rachel encouraged the girls to introduce their friends to the concept of NJZ and use it in their relationships. I’m already using it in mine! My NJZ’s right now? Comments about how much time I spend on Facebook and Twitter and the fact that I’m turning 40 (!) next month.

I also picked up a copy of Rachel’s just-released book, The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. I haven’t finished reading it yet, but I love that Rachel is bringing attention to the fact that girls today, while being given the message they can do and be anything they want (“amazing girls”), are also being taught the art of being selfless, nice, polite, and modest (“good girls”). While The Curse of the Good Girl is aimed primarily at parents of girls and anyone working with girls, I think teen girls would find it a fascinating and empowering read!

Rachel and I after her talk at Seattle Girls' School.

Tomorrow is the first day of Banned Books Week, an annual event started in 1982 where hundreds of libraries and bookstores around the country draw attention to the problem of censorship by mounting displays of challenged books and hosting a variety of events.

Books might be banned by libraries, schools, and bookstores for any number of reasons – sexual or violent content, the use of profanity or slang…even positive portrayals of homosexuals. Over the years, books ranging from The Gossip Girls series, and TTFN to The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Judy Blume’s Forever have been targeted.

One of my favorite authors, Ellen Hopkins, has faced censorship issues with nearly all of her hard-hitting books. Her latest book, , about teen prostitution, is no different.

The Kids Right to Read Project recently interviewed Ellen about the issue of book banning and censorship. Here’s some of what she had to say:

My books speak to real life. My latest book Tricks is about teen prostitution. To write it requires having sex in the book, and not pretty sex. It has to include sex. In Identical which is about sexual abuse by a parent and I take my readers right into the bedroom. Why not shut the door? Well, a lot of books do that and we need to really look at what is going on. What do perpetrators really look like? We expect them to be a certain way – and we need to explore our ideas of who sexual predators are to access the way to protect ourselves and our children. As adults we want to believe things like this, or drug use, are not happening anymore, or happening less and less, but that’s not the case and we need to acknowledge that in order to help the victims. We can’t make life prettier for youth, but we can arm them. In high schools today there are youth who cut, there are those who commit or think about suicide. We have to give our kids the tools.

I don’t back-pedal and I don’t sugar-coat things for my readers. Crank and Glass were both based on true stories- fictionalized of course to give space to my daughter and those that the stories are based upon. I don’t feel as an author I need to tip toe around addiction, sex or anything else. In my books my characters experience things as they are. Kristina for instance feels meth is like riding a roller coaster the first few times she does it. The point is obviously kids should just say no, but they should do so because they understand the consequences of saying yes on their lives. My books allow youth an honest look at important issues affecting them.

I couldn’t agree more. It’s no fluke that Ellen’s books have connected with teens in such a huge way – her writing is raw and and real and she has a willingness to talk about things that frankly aren’t so pretty. If anything, Ellen’s books are realistic portrayals of what could happen and can serve to deter someone from going down a dangerous path. They also have the potential to be important conversation starters. I mean, shouldn’t we be talking and getting real about difficult issues like sex and drug abuse and incest instead of sweeping them under the rug? Censorship is never the answer…discussions, frank conversations, and openness is the only way to go

Do you want to take a stand against book banning? Here are some ideas from the Kids Right to Read Project for getting involved and making a difference:

• Send a letter to local newspapers and magazines, or write an “op-ed” article.
• Write to any and all public officials involved in the situation, including the mayor, city council, and other city officials, superintendent of schools and school board members, members of the library board, and state education officials. Find your local representative on this website.
• Attend school board, library board, and PTA meetings and raise the issue. Bring your friends to voice their support.
• Start a petition or letter-writing campaign. Organize a local anti-censorship group, and publicize your activities on the Internet.
• Spread the word online: start a Facebook group, a blog, a Twitter account to connect your friends to the issues you care about and to find other people who share your concerns.
• Work with community groups, especially professional and civic organizations, and religious groups, to call attention to the problem.
• If the censorship incident is in a school, get affected parents and students involved. If a teacher is targeted for criticism because s/he used “controversial” materials, it is particularly important to support the teacher—if you ever expect any other teachers to stick their necks out in the future. Circulate a petition in support of the teacher or the materials. Solicit help and support from other teachers and educators.

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Book Giveaway Contest

Where do you stand on the issue of book banning in schools? Leave a comment explaining the reasoning behind your position on the issue and you’ll be entered to win a copy of Ellen Hopkin’s brand new book, . A winner will be chosen at random on October 7, 2009. And to read Ellen’s recounting of the current censorship battle she’s fighting over a canceled school visit in Oklahoma and a local news anchor’s public call out for her books to be banned, read her blog here.

I love to hear about organizations that empower teens and give them a voice, and that’s why I wanted to spotlight Project Girl. Project Girl is a girl-led arts-based program with a focus on media literacy. Their goal is to enable girls to be smart media consumers so they can be in control of the way they interpret the messages they receive from TV, movies, advertisements, and other media.

Through their workshops, Project Girl supports teen girls in creating visual art – everything from poetry to body tracings and masks – as a way to educate, inspire, reflect and encourage social change.

But even if you can’t attend a Project Girl workshop, you can still be a part of the change. Check out the Project Girl website for some cool interactive activities, videos, and bulletin board featuring offensive ads.

Also, congratulations to Project Girl for being picked as one of Best Buy’s @15 Change Exchange partners!

My friend Carrie Silver-Stock, creator of the fantastic website Girls With Dreams, turned me onto this cool photo piece from The New York Times Magazine. A Woman’s World features photographs submitted by readers from around the world that illustrate the importance of educating girls and empowering women.

The more than 250 powerful photos from countries like Uganda, Colombia, Vietnam, India, Liberia, and even the United States successfully bring attention to the important role women and girls play in their community and society. Among my favorites are this girl from Lesotho who is holding up her “goal” notebook, a young student in Ghana, and a group of young soccer players in India.

But check them all out online…they are sure to inspire you!

Would you believe that more than 2 million young people between the ages of 12 and 24 will experience homelessness at least once in their life. Even more surprising, more than 100,000 youth sleep on the street for 6 months or more in the U.S. These teens are at a much greater risk of physical assault, rape, sexual exploitation, recruitment into gangs, and mental illness.

To raise awareness of the plight of these teens, one man is taking matters into his own hands. Or feet, as the case may be.

Tellman Knudson is 10 days into a 3,200 mile run barefoot run across America to raise money for homeless youth. Tellman left NYC’s Battery Park in on September 9th, and hopes to average 26 miles (that’s the equivalent of one marathon) every day until he reaches Los Angeles. Along the way, he’ll solicit donations from individuals and corporate sponsors through Run Tellman Run. He’s set a goal of raising $100 million dollars to help create programs to reduce the risk these youth face, help get them off the streets, and rebuild their lives.

To follow Tellman and possibly see him as he goes through your town, follow his blog or . Good luck, Tellman!

In my books and on Smart Girls Know, I talk a lot about striving to “be in the moment.” It’s just one of my things – the way I try to live my life, focusing on the here and now instead of dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. As I’ve written before on Smart Girls Know, I know that by living in the present moment, you will:

• get the most out of every experience
• be more content and happier overall
• be much less stressed out
• see the possibilities in everything

This weekend, I had the opportunity put my money where my mouth is by truly being the moment, second by second, step by step, as I attempted to beat my personal best time in a 5K race.

Saturday morning, I ran the Iron Girl 5K in Seattle, joining more than 2,000 other girls and women for a fantastic event featuring a fast course around Greenlake and lots of powerful all-girl energy. For the past few years, I’ve thought about trying to beat my fastest 5K time, which I set in Central Park in 1997. I came close a few years ago, but haven’t been able to break my personal barrier of 23 minutes, 51 seconds.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to go for it on Saturday or not, since I’m still nursing a foot injury and hadn’t done any speed training this summer. But it was such perfect running weather and there was so much positive energy in the air, that sometime between lining up for the start and the beginning of the race, I decided I would go for it.

I knew exactly what average pace I had to run each mile in order to beat my time – a 7:40 mile. So I pushed it out of the gate and hit my target, running the first mile in 7:35. Ok, Debbie. Just keep it up for two more miles, and you’ll do it, I thought to myself. The problem was, I didn’t know if I actually could keep it up. My breathing was all over the place, I hadn’t found my stride yet, and the finish line at the other end of the lake seemed seriously far away. But I wasn’t ready to give up, so I focused on my pace, my rhythm, and not slowing down.

When I came upon the 2-mile marker, I looked down at my watch. 7:59. Yikes. I had expected mile 2 to be a little slower, but not that slow. I quickly did the math in my head. My next 1.1 mile had to kick some serious booty or I could kiss my new personal record goodbye.

So I sped up. And I stayed focused. The problem was, by this time, I was feeling extremely fatigued, I had a shoulder cramp, and this little voice in my head started messing with me, telling me there was no way I would beat the time, so why bother trying? Why not slow down the pace a bit and just enjoy the run. It’s not going to happen this year, no biggie.

But rather than listen to those thoughts, I replaced them with these: You can still do it. It’s still within your power to beat your time. It’s all about this moment, this step, this mile. Believe in every step that you can do it…the future hasn’t been determined yet!

I repeated these thoughts as I labored through the last mile, rounded the last turn, and spotted the finish line. I saw my husband and son (who curiously enough was holding up a sign he had made for me that said Go Under Sea Mom!) and that gave me an extra bolt of energy. I pushed my legs as fast as they would go, kicking in the last point one of a mile and crossing the finish line in… 23:55.

4 seconds shy of my record.

I caught my breath, and looked down at my watch where I’d clocked my splits. My last 1.1 mile, the one where I’d stayed present and repeated the mantra that I could do it, had almost been as fast as my first mile. It hadn’t been enough, but for some reason I didn’t feel defeated. Slightly bummed, yes. But more than that, I was happy that for the duration of the race, I had truly been in the moment – shoulder cramp, funky breathing, doubtful thoughts and all. No, I hadn’t beaten my personal record, but I came damn close, and I know that with speed training and more time to recover from my injury, I can do it. After all, the power is completely within me.

And when I do it, I promise to let you know!

XOXO Debbie

Today is day five of 7 Days Across America, a seven-day journey aimed at changing the negative stereotypes many adults have about teenagers by showcasing the good deeds of today’s youth. The project hopes to show the world that encouragement can not only make a difference in people’s lives, it can change the world.

How are they doing this? The 7 Days team has been touring across the country since Saturday, September 5th, looking for and bringing attention to the stories of teenagers who are striving to make a difference in their schools, communities and the world. Very cool!

So far, the 7 Days team has hit San Francisco, Reno, Phoenix, Denver, Oklahoma City, Houston, Dallas, and Little Rock. From today through Saturday, they’ll be heading to Detroit, Chicago, Nashville, Atlanta, and Philadelphia, before celebrating the finale and the National Day of Encouragement in New York City on September 12th.

To get the inside scoop on the journey, follow the 7 Days Blog, read the , or become a fan on their .

I just learned about this website from someone I’m following at Twitter, and had to share it with you! It’s the website of About-Face, an organization that aims to equip women and girls with tools to understand and resist harmful media messages that affect their self-esteem and body image. Through their site, workshops, and action groups, About-Face hopes to “imbue girls and women with the power to free themselves from the burden of body-image problems so they will be capable of fulfilling their varied and wondrous potential.”

What I love about this site is it calls out the media messages – specifically advertisements – that are super offensive when it comes to portraying women and girls in a negative and harmful light. Their Gallery of Offenders features highlights of the top ten worst ads out there. Included in their current list of top ten offenders are ads from AskMen.com, Elizabeth Arden, Carls Jr., and American Apparel. But About-Face doesn’t just point out the offensive ads and explain why they are so harmful – it provides contact information for the companies behind the ads, and encourages readers to let these advertisers know just how offended we are by their portrayal of women.

It’s not all bad news. About-Face also celebrates media that is doing it right, and brings attention to their faves through the Gallery of Winners.

Have you heard about Laura Dekker? Laura is a 13-year-old girl from the Netherlands who is hoping to be the youngest person ever to sail solo around the world – a journey that would take her two years.

Her parents are in favor of the risky voyage. The Dutch Council for Child Protection, on the other hand, is so concerned about the risks involved that they’re trying to put a stop to the whole thing.

About the debate, a psychologist quoted in an article from the AP says “the rat race to become a so-called ‘super child’ – the youngest to accomplish some grueling feat – can be fueled by ambitious parents, laser-focused children with talent, or youngsters with a deep need to please or be praised.”

But which is it in this case and does it really matter?

I’m all for encouraging girls to pursue their dreams and to not let anyone set limits on what they accomplish – it’s one of my core values. And I also firmly believe in the benefits for girls taking safe, physical risks when it comes up beefing up self-esteem and empowering them.

Kudos to Laura for being such an incredible sailer at such a young age that this venture is even a possibility. But it seems to me that the enormity of the feat and the fact that Laura would be risking her life make this a risk not worth taking. The potential dangers in such a voyage are many (storms, pirates, malfunctions, you name it), not to mention the physical, mental, and emotional challenges Laura would surely face along the way. At a certain point, the risks and the fact that Laura would be putting her life in danger, have to outweigh the benefits of trying to accomplish this first.

What are your thoughts? How young is too young to risk one’s life for the sake of accomplishing a super feat? Is the Dutch government right in trying to prevent this voyage from taking place?