Disappointment is tough. I know because I experience it frequently as a writer and speaker always putting myself out there. It’s part of the job for me, and even though I’m pretty good at letting it go and moving on, I still need to consciously get myself through when the disappointing news first comes up.

How about you? Maybe your crush didn’t like you back. Maybe you didn’t get the grade you wanted on your midterm. Or maybe, through no fault of your own, your summer vacation just didn’t go as you planned.

Whatever your circumstance, disappointment is something we all feel from time to time.

* Sometimes we’re disappointed in ourselves: we didn’t get the right grade…we didn’t get into the right college…we didn’t score the winning goal.

* Other times we’re disappointed in others: our best friend shares a trusted secret with someone else…our mom reads our journal…our father doesn’t get off work in time for our graduation ceremony.

* And then there are the times we’re disappointed in the world: things just don’t work out the way we think they should.

And while it’s normal to feel disappointed from time to time, lingering in that feeling can be seriously disempowering, making us feel blue, blah, betrayed and bothered. And when we’re focusing on these negative feelings, it’s all-too-easy to let the emotions behind them seep into other areas of our life.

The good news is, there are some simple tools for handling disappoinment that can nip those feelings in the bud. Here are a few tricks that every smart girl needs to know:

• Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself: Disappointment is often the result of having unrealistic expecations. And while I would never discourage anyone from dreaming big, remember that goals are something to strive for, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t reach every goal exactly as you planned. Instead, try setting goals to do your best and be true to yourself in your quest for success.

• Don’t place expectations on others: If you take away one thing from this affirmation, let it be this – the only person whose behavior and actions you can control is yourself. While it’s okay to find someone else’s actions disappointing, don’t give that feeling too much power. Often times, what other people do or don’t do has nothing to do with us…it’s about them.

• Give yourself a break: Hey…even when our goals are realistic and we’ve done all the hard work to ensure the outcome we want, sometimes life throws a curve ball and things don’t work out as planned. When this happens, why not be nice to yourself and tell yourself the same kind of supportive things you’d tell a friend in a same predicament?

• Avoid using the word “should”: Have you ever said something like, “this should have happened” or “she should have called me” or “I should have done better”? Then I ask you this…what good does “should” do? Since we can’t change the past, then throwing the word “should” around is really a waste of energy. Why not focus on what might happen differently the next time?

• Don’t “awfulize”: If you say things like “it’s awful” or “I can’t stand it” or “it’s the end of the world for me!” then what you’re really doing is magnifying your disappointment. Words are powerful things, and what we tell ourselves has a bigger impact on our feelings and emotions than anything else. The truth is, you can stand it. And while you may not like it, the disappointment you’re experiencing is not the end of the world. Try putting things in perspective and see how your emotions change for the better.

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How do you handle disappointment? If you’ve got some tips to share with other smart girls, leave a comment!

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What’s your dream job? A doctor? An actor? A business executive?

Whatever it is, if you’re like most teens, you’re pretty sure that you’ll eventually land a job doing it. In fact, a recent poll by Junior Achievement found that nearly 75% of students answered “definitely” or “pretty sure” when asked if they would ever have their ideal job.

When I was a teen I changed my mind about my dream career at least once a month, and while my parents and sis used to bust on me for being so “wishy washy,” looking back I think it’s kind of cool that I felt the world was wide open. And despite the fact that I was an “average” student and was by no means a super over-achiever, I too felt pretty sure that whatever I ultimately decided to do would eventually happen for me.

To make sure you’re moving in the right direction, here are six things you’ll want to have in your back pocket:

* A Dream: Until you’ve set your sights on something, it’s hard to work towards it. Don’t worry…that doesn’t mean you have to know exactly what you want to do this moment. Dreams can be approached in a big-picture way (like, I want to help people or I want to do something creative, and so on).

* A Plan: Once you have a dream, creating a plan or setting simple goals can be a great first step towards moving forward. Again, plans and goals can be simple and broad (like, I’d like to volunteer with an environmental organization or I want to join the math club). Try writing down your goals or plan in your journal – once your plan is in writing, it somehow becomes more important!

* An Education: No matter the career dream, a good education is key. For some careers, a strong background in math or science is a must-have, while others will require writing and research skills. Even if you don’t see the relevance in what you’re studying in school today (how I felt much of the time in high school!), I guarantee that, with the right attitude, you can take away something that will help to propel you forward. Plus, who knows what educational requirements you’ll need down the road? By working hard now, you’ll make sure that all doors stay open to you!

* Motivation: As teens, there always seems to be somebody pushing us forward, whether it’s our parents pressuring us to make grades or an involved teacher who wants to make sure we reach our full potential. But as we move on to college and beyond, it’s more and more important that the person pushing us forward is ourselves. Being self-motivated to reach our goals and always do our best can have more of an impact on our fate than all the cheerleaders in our lives put together.

* Determination: Sticking to it and never giving up is something that most successful career people have in common. The really cool thing about determination is that once your personal determination gets you through a tough situation or results in a victory, it becomes more and more a part of how you approach challenges and life. The next time you feel the odds are stacked against you, why not discover how a determined attitude affects the outcome?

* A Positive Attitude: We’ve all heard about the “power of positive thinking” a kabillion times, but have you ever experienced it for yourself? The amazing thing about having a positive attitude is that, even if the outcome of a situation isn’t exactly what you had hoped for, maintaining a positive attitude can make sure it still results in something good. If we can take this same energy and apply it to getting the most out of our experiences, our chances of reaching our career dreams get that much better.

For more ideas and inspiration, check out my book In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers where I profile 50 women to find out what it takes to be successful!

Lately I’ve been paying serious attention to my own personal fear factor – the role that fear plays in my life when it comes to trying to go for and reach my dreams. So I’ve decided to call out my fear (Hey fear…I’m totally onto you) and give it a swift kick in the butt. I’ve also decided to repost this “Smart Girls Know Affirmation” I wrote several years about how to recognize, and conquer, your own fear:

Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks by fear? I’m not talking about horror flick, haunted house, psycho-on-the-loose fear. I’m talking about the kind of fear that we create all by ourselves and creeps into our psyche without us even knowing it.

There are little fears – the kind that give you butterflies right before jumping off the high dive. Then there are big fears – those that keep us from applying to our dream school because don’t think we could handle the rejection if we don’t get in.

Fear is a powerful thing. Depending on how we respond to it, fear can either drive our life or be just a fleeting distraction.

How big of a role does fear play in your life? How would you answer these questions?

• Do you ever say “yes” to something you don’t want to do because you don’t want to disappoint another person?
• Have you ever turned down a potentially awesome opportunity because you didn’t know if it would work out as you hoped?
• Did you ever not go for something you wanted because you didn’t think your chances of getting it were very good?

If you said “yes” to any of these, then you’ve let fear guide you. And when you do that, it’s kind of like saying “no” to life.

Take the “Conquer Your Fear Challenge”:

Okay. So here’s my challenge to you for the week. For the next seven days, don’t let fear make your choices for you. Here’s what to do:

* The next time you’re in a situation where you have a choice of whether or not to do something – it could be volunteering to read your personal essay out loud at school, taking on an extra shift at work, applying to a college out of state, blowing your allowance on designer jeans – ask yourself this question: “Why do I want to do this?” or “Why don’t I want to do this?”

* If you answer this question with something negative – “I’m getting these designer jeans I can’t afford because if I don’t, people will think I’m not cool,” or “I don’t want to volunteer to read my paper out loud because people will judge me,” or “I don’t want to leave my hometown by going out-of-state to college because it would be too hard” – then you’re letting fear guide you.

If you’re making a choice out of fear, try saying “no” to the fear and “yes” to life! “Who cares if people don’t like my personal style. I don’t want to waste my money on jeans just to look cool” or “I need to put myself out there and see what happens…if I don’t take chances, I’ll never find out what I might be missing out on.”

Take action! Apply to that college…read that essay out loud…say “no” to the fancy jeans. I guarantee that you’ll be happy with the results. There’s nothing more empowering than conquering a fear. And the best part is, it gets easier and easier the more you do it.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

I heard a report on the radio yesterday that said teens are seriously short on sleep. Yes, I realize this isn’t any great newsflash…this was the case when I was a teen, too (lo those many years ago!). But the sleep deficit named in the article – meaning, the amount of hours of sleep the average teen is missing out on per week – actually stunned me. The number? 5-10 hours each week. Which when you multiply it by 52 weeks = a whopping 11-22 DAYS worth of sleep!

Running short on sleep isn’t good for anyone, but for teens, the consequences are even more critical. For example:

• Even though you’re gathering info at school during the day, you need to sleep for that info to really become part of your knowledge-base
• Lack of sleep affects your memory
• Being tired makes it harder for you to listen and concentrate
• Lack of sleep can cause you to be impatient, inappropriate, or aggressive around your friends and family
• Lack of sleep weakens your immune system, so you’ll be more prone to getting stick

I’m a big advocate of self-care, and I consider sleep to be a major component of this. In fact, I nap at will and I’m not afraid to say it! I believe in listening to our bodies and I know that if my body is saying it’s behind on sleep there is no way and no how that I’m going to be anything even resembling productive as I tackle my work. I know all too well that when I’m running on fumes, not only will my work suffer, but my ability to parent my son, squeeze in my exercise, and basically show up for life seriously plummets.

And I know that the same is true for teens, especially when you’re experiencing any kind of stress or anxiety about school, friends, family, relationships, or anything else. Skipping out on sleep and being sleep deprived just makes all of this stress worse. Then the stress leads to insomnia. And so the whole vicious cycle continues.

So how can you start taking care of yourself by getting the 9-plus hours of nightly sleep recommended by pediatricians? The NPR story offered a few suggestions for getting yourself to bed more easily, including:

• Dimming the lights in the house and your room as your bedtime approaches, since light is a “drug that promotes wakefulness”
• Create a transition ritual between wake time and bedtime, such as taking a warm shower, to help slow your body down
• Have a set lights out time and stick to it
• Read or listen to a book no more than 30 minutes if you’re having trouble sleeping once lights out time has passed

And my biggest piece of advice? Know that you’re worth the extra sleep. Know that by going to bed early to give your body a chance to rest and recharge, even when that little voice in your head is reminding you that you’ve got too much to do to possibly consider catching some zzzz’s, you are actually being the best kind of self-interested. And that kind of self-care will pay off in all areas of your life!

I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m dealing with a challenge or situation where I feel I need more support, my first step is always to turn to a book. I believe in the power of stories to help readers better understand difficult issues, get insight into how to face them, and most of all, realize that they’re not alone. It’s that belief that led me to create the Louder Than Words series of teen-authored memoirs dealing with serious issues.

In this same vein, The Inspire USA Foundation, which created the youth mental health site ReachOut.com, has just released a list of recommended YA fiction dealing with the serious issues that many teens today face. Their goal? To promote positive mental health and build awareness of ReachOut.com as a resource for teen and young adult readers of popular YA fiction.

And for teens wanting to virtually connect with others struggling with the same challenges, Inspire USA is hosting a series of live author chats on Ustream through May (Mental Health Awareness Month), hosted by the fabulous YA author and Readergirlz Diva Melissa Walker.

And without further ado…here is the list of recommended reads, organized by topic!

• Bullying: Some Girls Are by Courtney Summers (St. Martin’s Griffin, 2010)
• Depression: It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini (Hyperion, 2006)
• Eating Disorders: Skin by Adrienne Maria Vrettos (Simon & Schuster, 2006)
• Helping A Friend: Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes by Chris Crutcher (HarperTeen, 2003)
• Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder: Nobel Genes by Rune Michaels (Atheneum, 2010)
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Ball Don’t Lie by Matt de la Pena (Delacorte, 2005)
• Schizophrenia: A Blue So Dark by Holly Schindler (Flux, 2010)
• Self Harm: Cut by Patricia McCormick (Front Street, 2000)
• Suicide: Hold Still by Nina LaCour (Dutton, 2009)
• Abuse: The Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin (Penguin Group USA/Dial, 2006)

I was excited to find out that actress and comedienne Amy Poehler was named as one of Time Magazine’s top 25 pop culture icons. And that’s not just because I think she is one funny lady with great comedic timing. I got to hang out with Amy and a bunch of other inspirational women last summer for a conversation about how those working on behalf of empowering women and girls could use the media to create more positive change. Amy’s passion for empowering young girls and supporting others doing work with similar goals makes her one of my mentors for sure.

Here’s another reason I love Amy: Smart Girls at the Party! Smart Girls at the Party is an online community created by Amy and her fellow Smart Girls, Meredith Walker and Amy Miles, with a goal of empowering girls to change the world by being themselves. The site includes a bunch of online webisodes where Amy, Meredith, and Amy interview real girls doing extraordinary things. The current episode features a profile of a 12-year-old robot builder, Rachel (you can watch it here).

Congratulations, Amy! Keep on inspiring smart girls everywhere!

Happy Earth Day! This year’s theme is A Billion Acts of Green, which speaks to an initiative aimed at inspiring and rewarding simple individual acts and larger organizational initiatives that further the goal of reducing carbon emissions and supporting sustainability. The goal? To register 1 billion actions between now and the global Earth Summit in Rio next year!

Check out the Billion Acts of Green website and you’ll see that more than 102 million people and organizations have already pledged to take action! For example, singer Brandi Carlisle has pledged to buy carbon offsets for her tour; actress Kelly Preston has pledged to work with Earth Organization; race care driver Leilani Munter has pledged to adopt an acre of rainforest for every race she drives in.

But it’s not just high profile celebs getting involved. On the site, you can choose an issue you want to focus on – from schools, sustainability, and food t0 recycling and conservation – and join others around the world pledging to do their part.

The most biggest trends right now on the pledge page are for people pledging to:

• Eat more local food
• Bring reusable bags to the grocery store
• Raise awareness about Earth Day 2011
• Eat a sustainable vegan diet
• Turn off the tap while brushing teeth
• Take shorter showers
• Turn off the lights when not using them
• Wash clothes in cold water

So what changes are YOU willing to pledge to in order to join this worldwide initiative to green our planet?

Have you seen this? More than 1,000 students at Harrison High School got together on a Saturday to film this ten-plus minute music / lip dub video aimed at reminding teens that they’re not alone in their feelings of loneliness or depression.

According to the , the first part of the video was shot backwards, and all singers had to learn to sing their lyrics backwards phonetically. The second part of the video was shot forwards. The entire video was planned, produced, directed, filmed, and edited by Harrison Broadcast/Video Production students.

LOVE it! Check out the whole video here:

I just read an interesting article by Susan Engel in the New York Times about a unique project eight students undertook in their Massachusetts high school. In response to what many are calling a broken education system, these students designed The Independent Project, whereby they created their own “school within a school.” With the help of their guidance counselor, this small group of students, which included two who were considering dropping out of school altogether, designed their own curriculum for math, English, and science in order to see if an alternative approach to learning would yield better results…not just academically, but socially and personally.

From September 2010 to January 2011, these students developed their own inquiry-based approach to science, selected eight novels to read and discuss (more than the school’s AP program reads in a year), took on an “individual endeavor” (such as learning to cook or play the piano), and participated in a “collective endeavor” (making a film about how other students could start and run their own schools).

The results of this unique experiment were nothing less than amazing! According to Susan’s article:

“An Independence Project student who had once considered dropping out of school found he couldn’t bear to stop focusing on his current history question but didn’t want to miss out on exploring a new one. When he asked the group if it would be O.K. to pursue both, another student answered, “Yeah, I think that’s what they call learning.”

One student who had failed all of his previous math courses spent three weeks teaching the others about probability. Another said: “I did well before. But I had forgotten what I actually like doing.” They have all returned to the conventional curriculum and are doing well. Two of the seniors are applying to highly selective liberal arts colleges.”

I would love to see the film these students made and consider how their experiment might be replicated in other schools. I think the reason The Independent Project was so successful is that it took the focus off of achievement and test scores (there were no grades given on any of the work) and instead focused on making learning relevant, exciting, and fulfilling – a great reminder that any solutions for the current educational crisis be developed with the students’ needs, interests, and well-being at their very heart.

What changes would you make in your school’s curriculum if you could launch your own Independent Project at your school?

There’s a lot of buzz these days about the importance of creativity, and the fact that many studies suggest schools are actually sucking the creativity out of students by focusing on achievement and standardized test scores instead of creative pursuits. (This is a key point made in the documentary Race to Nowhere which is currently screening around the country and generating passionate discussions in the process. If you have a chance to see it, it’s definitely worth a watch!)

I believe wholeheartedly that today’s teens need to not only retain the creativity they had as kids, but that schools have a responsibility to help foster this creativity throughout middle school and high school. Teens don’t need to memorize a bunch of facts…they need to connect with their abilities to see things differently, be open to input from others, and come up with unique solutions to problems, big and small.

So loved reading this article in Fast Company about a group of eighth graders at the School of Columbia in NYC who got to tap into their inner creative design gurus and flex their creative muscles through a unique opportunity. Rinat Aruh, of the New York industrial design studio Aruliden, and Jerry Helling of company Bernhardt Design, led a free workshop for students called “Tools for Schools,” where students learned how design works by creating furniture for the classroom of the future. They tackled things like classroom chairs, desks, and lockers, and used their new design knowledge to come up with creative approaches to these school staples…approaches that were fresh, cutting-edge, and addressed challenges the students experience every day in their classrooms.

The results were pretty amazing.They came up with a new classroom chair, one that allowed for noiseless fidgeting, swiveled, moved up and down, and had storage space on the back to easily stow books. One of the desks they brainstormed had a “writable surface” so they could doodle on it (and not waste paper in the process) as well as interchangeable trays to hold things like art supplies, pencils…even a potted plant. When they looked at how they could design a better locker, they focused on the fact that these tiny metal closets are in essence their school “bedrooms for the year,” and thought about ways to incorporate more creative storage options and personal touches.

I love that these teens were empowered to look at these objects they spend so much time with every day through fresh eyes and use their newly honed design skills to seek creative alternatives…I mean, just think about the possibilities when they apply these creative skills to addressing challenges in the future!

To see pictures of the completed prototypes from these impressive teens, visit the gallery here.