Rachel Simmons & The Curse of the Good Girl

Last week I had the chance to meet up with Rachel Simmons, founder of the Girls Leadership Institute, New York Times bestselling author, and all-around girl guru. Rachel was speaking at the wonderful all-girls middle school Seattle Girls’ School, where I am on the Board of Directors, about healthy relationships between girls and the importance of being your authentic self. Her presentation was dynamic and inspiring, and she presented real-life strategies for handling a ton of different kinds of uncomfortable and awkward situations between peers.

I especially loved the new concept she introduced called the “no joke zone” or NJZ. The NJZ refers to the fact that we all have our buttons or things that we feel insecure or self-conscious or uncomfortable about, and therefore, joking about them among friends should be off-limits. Here’s how it works. Say I’m super insecure about my height (which I was in middle school). Making jokes relating to my height would have been part of my NJZ. On the other hand, joking about something like my nose or my voice or my clothing wouldn’t have bothered me, therefore that material didn’t have to be off-limits. The idea behind the NJZ is that everyone has their unique sensitivities and you can avoid a lot of hurt feeling and passive aggressiveness by stating upfront…”That’s in my NJZ.” Rachel encouraged the girls to introduce their friends to the concept of NJZ and use it in their relationships. I’m already using it in mine! My NJZ’s right now? Comments about how much time I spend on Facebook and Twitter and the fact that I’m turning 40 (!) next month.

I also picked up a copy of Rachel’s just-released book, The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. I haven’t finished reading it yet, but I love that Rachel is bringing attention to the fact that girls today, while being given the message they can do and be anything they want (“amazing girls”), are also being taught the art of being selfless, nice, polite, and modest (“good girls”). While The Curse of the Good Girl is aimed primarily at parents of girls and anyone working with girls, I think teen girls would find it a fascinating and empowering read!

Rachel and I after her talk at Seattle Girls' School.