As I’m currently in Hawaii on vacation, I felt a need to share with you that I’ve been struggling this week with my body image. It might have something to do with me being as pale as one would expect an author from the Northwest to be in the middle of February, as well as the fact that I’m in prime PMS bloat mode. Anyway…I thought I’d let you in on what’s been going on in my head, since my irrational thought process might sound familiar.

So, here goes. As far as I can tell, there are a number of factors contributing to the perfect storm of low body image I’m experience this week. The following mathematical equation is what I’ve come up with so far:

New low-rise bikini + PMS x 1 box of mini peanut butter crackers + too many carbs to mention – current issue of US Weekly + wall-to-wall coverage of the Academy Awards = a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10 of my current body image status

There are so many bummers about this current state of affairs:

1. I go through this same hormonal shift every month, therefore I should remember that this is all in my head;
2. Eating poorly for four days does not result in an instant weight gain of ten pounds;
3. I know that the way I see myself in the mirror this time of the month doesn’t reflect reality;
4. Comparing my own body with what Hollywood has deemed the ideal is a no-win situation;
5. I know that being healthy is much more important than fitting into a size 4;
6. And most importantly, I know that what I look like doesn’t have anything to do with my value as a person anyway, so what does it matter?

All day long I’ve been thinking about Jessica Weiner’s great book, , and wishing I had it in my beach bag for a little moral support.

In Jess’s book, she talks about the “language of fat,” and how the words we use to talk about ourselves and our bodies can have serious emotional side-effects. So, I’ve been trying to replace my unhealthy language with more positive words, or better yet, just not say anything at all. I’m sure my husband is tired of me complaining about this roll or that chunk, and I know I’m seriously over hearing it come out of my mouth.

I wonder what would happen if tomorrow I spent the whole day feeling good about myself and my thighs. Would I tailspin into a spiral of negative self-talk? Probably not. Would I burst from keeping my language of fat descriptives inside? Nah…can’t see it. Would I stop focusing on my irrational thinking and start enjoying being in the moment, new low-rise bikini and all?

Probably.

I tell you what… I’ll give it a try and report in later. In the meantime, if you’ve got some tips for how you handle your irrational thoughts when it comes to body image, share them here!

Love & Peace,

Debbie

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NOTE: Because I may not have internet access after tomorrow until late next week, I’m not going to be posting an Affirmation of the Week on Monday. I’ll resume with my weekly postings on Monday, March 5th.

Aloha! I’m in Hawaii right now on a long overdue vacation during which I’m trying to remember what it feels like to relax. We’re on the Big Island of Hawaii and the terrain is so smothered with black lava that it kind of feels like we touched down on the moon. A moon, that is, with idyllic beaches and warm, clear water.

So, one would think it would be no problem for me to chill out and just relax for a few days. I mean, we are in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with nothing but water around us for thousands of miles. I have no pressing deadlines to speak of. But, still, I do have this toddler son, Asher, who acts like he’s on a continuous Red Bull high, and so serious naps and relaxation are a little hard to come by.

I am doing some reading for fun, which is like a vacation in and of itself. I managed to score an advance copy of Deb Caletti’s newest YA novel, (coming out Feb 27) which is quite excellent. I’m also reading the latest issue of one of my most favorite magazines of late, GOOD.

Now that I think of it, the lack of TIVO has actually been a nice break, too. Hey, it can be stressful when your recording space is almost maxed out and you’ve got two Grey’s Anatomy‘s, an Amazing Race, two ER‘s, and a slew of Oprah‘s and Law & Order‘s to catch up on. Talk about pressure.

Anyway…even though I’m taking a week off of work, I just stumbled across two interesting programs for teen girls that I wanted to share with you.

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A new online book club for girls, ReaderGirlz, has just been launched by four YA authors, Dia Calhoun (Avielle of Rhia and The Phoenix Dance), Janet Lee Carey (The Beast of Noor and Dragon’s Keep), Lorie Ann Grover (On Pointe and Loose Threads) and Justina Chen Headley (Nothing but the Truth).

ReaderGirlz was created to celebrate “gutsy girls in life and in literature.” From their website:

“Every month, we’ll showcase a YA novel featuring a strong female character (or two!). We want to connect you with stories that will change the way you and your friends see yourselves, and inspire you to have the guts to make history of your own. So you’ll see lots of great community service ideas that tie in with our featured books.”

Visit their page or their website to join in the conversation!

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Also – I read an interesting article about a women’s theatre group in New York City called Women’s Expressive Theater, Inc. (WET). The group, started three years ago to empower teen girls, runs the program Risk Takers Film Series. Girls in the program meet once a month to screen a Hollywood movie, and then participate in a discussion about how the film portrays women and racial issues.

According to an article in the New York Daily News, co-founder Victoria Pettibone explained why she and partner Sasha Eden started the program. “We were frustrated by how women were seen in the media. We wanted to teach girls how to look at ‘airbrushed’ women with a critical eye and know they don’t have to be all the images they see.”

Visit the Risk Takers website for more info, or if you live in the New York City area, fill out an online application to be a part of the dialogue.

Movies are full of fairy tale endings…just watch any romantic comedy and things are always neatly wrapped up by the time the credits roll. Some impossible situation is figured out, the girl always gets the awesome guy, and everyone lives happily ever after. But what happens if you see movies like this over and over again? Well, for starters, you might begin to think that “happily ever after” is what we should all aspire to. The problem is, happily ever after doesn’t exist. Happiness is an emotional state of mind, and like all emotions, it comes and goes.

Think about the last time you were really sad. I’m talking pint of Ben & Jerry’s, box-worth of soggy tissues, eyes redder than a beet sad. When you’re that upset, sometimes it seems like you’ll never stop feeling the way you do at that very moment.

But low and behold…you eventually do stop feeling sad, don’t you? At some point the tears stop flowing, if for no other reason than you’re just plain exhausted or your tear ducts are drier than the Sahara. Your breathing slows down and the sadness you’re feeling starts to disappear, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

So what happened? Well, like all emotions, nothing lasts forever. Think about it:

• When was the last time you were SAD?

• When was the last time you were HAPPY?

• When was the last time you were ANGRY?

• When was the last time you were JEALOUS?

• When was the last time you were EXCITED?

Did any of these emotions stick around? No way. Here’s another way to think of it. Imagine your emotional life is one very long roller coaster. The top of the hill might be happiness, while the bottom of the dip might be sadness. A sudden curve to the right might whip you into anger. An upside-down loop might be excitement. And on and on it goes…up, down, around and around—a never-ending ride on the roller coaster of life.

So, the next time you’re feeling SAD, try saying this…THIS FEELING WILL PASS. Why? Because it’s true. Just like that roller coaster, you’ll start to climb back up that hill for another go ’round.

And the next time you’re feeling HAPPY about something, try doing this…LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Take a step back, smile to yourself, shout “I’m happy right now!” and embrace the feelings that go along with it.

Remember, happiness isn’t a destination. If you keep looking for the day when things are “happily ever after,” you might forget to buckle up and enjoy the ride.

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Q: DO YOU FEEL STRESSED OUT A LOT OF THE TIME?
I’m working on a new book for teens about how to deal with stress, and I’d love to hear from you. If you have a few minutes, fill out this quick survey and share your thoughts about stress. Thanks!

I got a letter this week from a girl who hopes to be a dancer someday. The only problem is, her guidance counselor at school told her that dreaming of a career as a dancer was basically useless. She was writing to me because she wanted to know if she should give up on her dream.

Her letter struck a chord with me, as I have vivid memories of being told that I was aiming too high or wasn’t being realistic when I shared my career dreams with people. One incident in particular sticks out in my mind. I was a wide-eyed freshman in college, thankful to have finally flown the coop and be on my own at a big university where I could make my own decisions. I had enrolled as a film major, just like my older sister Michele, and was envisioning working behind the scenes in film or TV production.

At some point during my first year of the program, I had a one-on-one meeting with the head of the program, but the meeting didn’t go at all as I had expected. Rather than talk about a strategy for my course load and make a plan for the next three years, the advisor spent the whole meeting telling me that majoring in film was a colossal waste of time. The exact words I remember him using sounded something like this: “Well, it’s nice that you’ll have this degree in film and everything, but you’re just going to be another housewife with a film degree…you’ll never actually work in the industry.”

Harsh, right? I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but to the best of my recollection, I’m not. And I wish I could say that I stuck it out and proved this advisor wrong, but I can’t.

I changed my major shortly after this meeting. Not because I thought he was right, but because I was so put off by how negatively I had been treated. I certainly didn’t feel like spending the rest of my college existence dealing with lame teachers like him.

Do I have any regrets? Yes and no. I do regret that I wasn’t stronger at the time…that I didn’t stand up to the advisor and tell him what I thought of his suggestion. I regret that I was so easily dissuaded from pursuing something that I was clearly passionate about. On the other hand, I may not be doing what I’m doing today had I stuck with majoring in film, and I’m very happy about the path my career has taken. It took me a while, but I eventually got to where I want to be by following my passion and trusting in the process. I knew that if I focused on doing things that felt in tune with my “purpose,” things would work out.

So, getting back to the girl’s question in the letter—should she give up her dream of being a dancer? My advice…absolutely not. Dreaming is what being a teen is all about. The world is completely open and the possibilities for what you can do are boundless. Sure…there are logistical things that can get in the way, like money, or people who don’t support you, or educational requirements, but the cliché is really true—where there’s a will, there’s a way. If you’re passionate about something, follow your heart, and believe in yourself, there’s really no limit to what you can do.

Has someone ever told you that your dream is out of your reach? How did it make you feel? Did you listen to them? Leave a comment and share your story…

I got a letter this week from a girl who hopes to be a dancer someday. The only problem is, her guidance counselor at school told her that dreaming of a career as a dancer was basically useless. She was writing to me because she wanted to know if she should give up on her dream.

Her letter struck a chord with me, as I have vivid memories of being told that I was aiming too high or wasn’t being realistic when I shared my career dreams with people. One incident in particular sticks out in my mind. I was a wide-eyed freshman in college, thankful to have finally flown the coop and be on my own at a big university where I could make my own decisions. I had enrolled as a film major, just like my older sister Michele, and was envisioning working behind the scenes in film or TV production.

At some point during my first year of the program, I had a one-on-one meeting with the head of the program, but the meeting didn’t go at all as I had expected. Rather than talk about a strategy for my course load and make a plan for the next three years, the advisor spent the whole meeting telling me that majoring in film was a colossal waste of time. The exact words I remember him using sounded something like this: “Well, it’s nice that you’ll have this degree in film and everything, but you’re just going to be another housewife with a film degree…you’ll never actually work in the industry.”

Harsh, right? I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but to the best of my recollection, I’m not. And I wish I could say that I stuck it out and proved this advisor wrong, but I can’t.

I changed my major shortly after this meeting. Not because I thought he was right, but because I was so put off by how negatively I had been treated. I certainly didn’t feel like spending the rest of my college existence dealing with lame teachers like him.

Do I have any regrets? Yes and no. I do regret that I wasn’t stronger at the time…that I didn’t stand up to the advisor and tell him what I thought of his suggestion. I regret that I was so easily dissuaded from pursuing something that I was clearly passionate about. On the other hand, I may not be doing what I’m doing today had I stuck with majoring in film, and I’m very happy about the path my career has taken. It took me a while, but I eventually got to where I want to be by following my passion and trusting in the process. I knew that if I focused on doing things that felt in tune with my “purpose,” things would work out.

So, getting back to the girl’s question in the letter—should she give up her dream of being a dancer? My advice…absolutely not. Dreaming is what being a teen is all about. The world is completely open and the possibilities for what you can do are boundless. Sure…there are logistical things that can get in the way, like money, or people who don’t support you, or educational requirements, but the cliché is really true—where there’s a will, there’s a way. If you’re passionate about something, follow your heart, and believe in yourself, there’s really no limit to what you can do.

Has someone ever told you that your dream is out of your reach? How did it make you feel? Did you listen to them? Leave a comment and share your story…

I was a senior in high school the year the Academy Award winning film Broadcast News came out. I absolutely loved the movie, and from the first of what would become many viewings, my career path shifted in a whole new direction. I loved the way the movie portrayed the world of television news, and I desperately wanted to live the life of an important news producer like the one Holly Hunter so wonderfully played in the movie.

After years of pursuing a career in television news, I eventually realized that it probably wasn’t for me, while simultaneously discovering that no matter how realistically Broadcast News portrayed the inner workings of TV news, it was still a glammed-up Hollywood version of the real thing. I realized that much of what attracted me to the career was the superficial stuff…the cool apartment Hunter’s character lived in, her unique friendship with a quirky on-air reporter…even the ever-present pressure of the job was somehow romanticized.

An article in today’s News & Observer talks about the reality of the “CSI Effect” – the idea that the popularity of CSI has caused a serious spike in interest in forensic science as a career, especially among young women. Shows like The Apprentice and now Grey’s Anatomy are also having a similar impact, as teens’ interest in careers in business and medicine have jumped along with the shows’ popularity.

It only makes sense that the more media exposure we have to different careers, the more our interest in those jobs and lifestyles grow. That’s totally normal, and it’s totally great. The only real problem comes when that movie or TV show or book glamorizing a career becomes the basis for making a decision without more exploration. That notion is a big reason why I wanted to write my upcoming book for teen girls, In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers. When we make choices based on Hollywood’s take, we’re setting ourselves up for disillusionment.

Check out Junior Achievement’s recently released study about teens and career choices here.

Opportunities for Career Exploration for Teen Girls
From time to time, I’ll use this blog to share information about unique opportunities for girls to explore different careers. Here are three recent finds:

Camp CEO: A week-long camp in Arizona where teen girls can learn about what it takes to start and run their own business (July 29 – August 4, 2007).

DigiGirlz Summer Camps: Introduces High School girls to the many career fields offered within the High Tech industry. Two to five-day camps are located in Charlotte, NC; Chicago, IL; Fargo, ND; Las Colinas, TX; Redmond, WA; Stony Brook, NY; and Washington, D.C. (August).

Camp Blaze: A one-week camp in North Bend, WA where teen girls can learn about and develop skills necessary to be a firefighter (July).

Do you know of any unique opportunities for teen girls to explore different career options? Let me know about them and I’ll post them here!

I was a senior in high school the year the Academy Award winning film Broadcast News came out. I absolutely loved the movie, and from the first of what would become many viewings, my career path shifted in a whole new direction. I loved the way the movie portrayed the world of television news, and I desperately wanted to live the life of an important news producer like the one Holly Hunter so wonderfully played in the movie.

After years of pursuing a career in television news, I eventually realized that it probably wasn’t for me, while simultaneously discovering that no matter how realistically Broadcast News portrayed the inner workings of TV news, it was still a glammed-up Hollywood version of the real thing. I realized that much of what attracted me to the career was the superficial stuff…the cool apartment Hunter’s character lived in, her unique friendship with a quirky on-air reporter…even the ever-present pressure of the job was somehow romanticized.

An article in today’s News & Observer talks about the reality of the “CSI Effect” – the idea that the popularity of CSI has caused a serious spike in interest in forensic science as a career, especially among young women. Shows like The Apprentice and now Grey’s Anatomy are also having a similar impact, as teens’ interest in careers in business and medicine have jumped along with the shows’ popularity.

It only makes sense that the more media exposure we have to different careers, the more our interest in those jobs and lifestyles grow. That’s totally normal, and it’s totally great. The only real problem comes when that movie or TV show or book glamorizing a career becomes the basis for making a decision without more exploration. That notion is a big reason why I wanted to write my upcoming book for teen girls, In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers. When we make choices based on Hollywood’s take, we’re setting ourselves up for disillusionment.

Check out Junior Achievement’s recently released study about teens and career choices here.

Opportunities for Career Exploration for Teen Girls
From time to time, I’ll use this blog to share information about unique opportunities for girls to explore different careers. Here are three recent finds:

Camp CEO: A week-long camp in Arizona where teen girls can learn about what it takes to start and run their own business (July 29 – August 4, 2007).

DigiGirlz Summer Camps: Introduces High School girls to the many career fields offered within the High Tech industry. Two to five-day camps are located in Charlotte, NC; Chicago, IL; Fargo, ND; Las Colinas, TX; Redmond, WA; Stony Brook, NY; and Washington, D.C. (August).

Camp Blaze: A one-week camp in North Bend, WA where teen girls can learn about and develop skills necessary to be a firefighter (July).

Do you know of any unique opportunities for teen girls to explore different career options? Let me know about them and I’ll post them here!

We all do stupid things from time to time. It’s part of being human, and, some would say, part of being a teen. Hey, how else are we supposed to figure out the rules of the world unless we push them from time to time and find out just how much they bend? When I was in high school, I did all kinds of questionable things…things that today still fill me with a slight sense of horror and embarassment (and since my parents may read this blog, I’ll skip the gruesome details).

These are the very things I started thinking about when I read a story on Fox News’ website about two teen girls who are now facing expulsion because they found a way to create a “snow day” alert on their high school’s website. One problem? There was no snow. Another problem? Schools don’t much like having their computer systems tampered with, and the parents who were confused about whether school was open or closed that day weren’t thrilled, either.

So now these two girls, ages 16 and 17, are being charged with things like “deliquency by unauthorized use of a computer” and “records tampering,” and may even get booted out of school. And while I understand the school administration’s strong response, I can also see how easily, and how quickly, a prank can suddenly snowball out of control (no pun intended).

While it would be great if we all made the right choices every time, the reality is, sometimes we choose to do the really stupid thing. Sometimes, we do something without thinking it through and considering what the actual consequences of our actions might be.

Looking back at the stupid things I did, I wonder how my life might have been different had I gotten caught. Or is doing foolish things just a “right of passage” that every teen goes through?

Let me know what you think. Do you think the law is coming down too hard on these two girls? Have you ever done something that would have landed you in serious trouble had you been caught? Is doing stupid things just part of growing up?

Some people would rather eat raw squid than spend a few hours alone. Some people think that being alone is, well, boring. But smart girls know what some people don’t. Smart girls know that being alone can be a wonderful thing. Here are just a few of the great things about spending time with the person you know best (that would be you)…

• gives you a chance to figure out who you are and what you like
• restores your energy and makes you feel more recharged
• gives you a break from the stress of daily life
• makes you more confident in being yourself

So the next time you find yourself with nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to talk to, don’t despair! Why not try out some of these ideas? You just might make a few discoveries of your own.

10 Ideas for Making the Most of Alone Time
1. Go through your pictures and make new photo albums
2. Write in your journal about your dreams
3. Go back and reread a favorite book, or discover a new one
4. Go for a walk and see how many new things you notice along the way
5. Organize your clothes and make a pile to donate
6. Bake your favorite cookies
7. Practice yoga poses in your room
8. Make something artistic
9. Listen to your favorite album
10. Meditate and clear your mind

Well, after talking about doing this for ages, I’ve finally gone and created a BLOG. Yes, I know. Blogs aren’t the new, hip thing anymore, but since I get so many letters from teen girls looking for insight into everything from handling stresses at school to figuring out how to reach their future dreams, it seemed like a simple way to stay connected, share ideas and provide a place for back-and-forth about the issues that are important in your life.

So, here’s my plan. For starters, every Monday I’m going to post an officlal “Smart Girls Know” affirmation. These affirmations are about giving you tools and ideas to help you tap into the power within you (and you’ve got a lot of it!).

On top of that, I am going to keep tabs on stories in the news that affect teen girls…whether it’s commentary by a bunch of adults about what life is like for today’s teens or something interesting, unusual or important that happened in the world that affects girls.

I’ll also be writing random thoughts…info about projects I’m working on, great movies I’ve seen, must-read books to check out, and the like.

Lastly, I want to use this blog to be in touch with you and answer your questions about anything and everything. I want to know what you’re thinking about, what worries you, what you need help with, and how you feel about current events and the state of the world. I promise I won’t pretend to have all the answers (because I definitely do not), but I will do my best to offer a different perspective and point you in the right direction.

So, welcome to this new adventure. I’m so happy to have you along for the ride!