Can Girl Talk Be a Bad Thing?

I just read an article in The New York Times about recent studies having to do with girls and the way they communicate with friends. These studies have found excessive talking with friends about problems can actually make your situation worse! Why? Because frequently or obsessively talking about the same problem can spin into a “potentially contagious and unhealthy emotional angst.”

According to the article, the fact that today’s girls are in constant contact with friends through email, texting, Facebook, and instant messaging, means they’re dwelling on their problems and dramas more than may be good for them. This over-sharing of problems among friends has been given the name “co-rumination.”

When I read this, I thought back to one of my first jobs out of college. While the job had its benefits, including the fact that’s it where I met one of my dearest friends, ultimately both my friend and I (we also shared a cubicle) grew dissatisfied with our jobs to the point where we spent every single day bitching and moaning about our lot in life over lunch. The result? Our unhappiness brewed and festered. We returned to the office each afternoon with a chip on our shoulders the size of a small SUV.

So I can see how obsessively talking about problems with a friend can make matters worse. But on the other hand, it did bring my friend and I closer together, since we experienced this together and bonded over our shared misery.

The article points out another potential side effect of negative girl talk – “emotional contagion” or “contagious anxiety,” which is the phenomenon when another person’s negative thoughts or anxiety affect another person’s mood. According to the article, people who live with others suffering from depression tend to become depressed themselves.

So if this new research is true, what’s the solution? I’m a huge advocate of seeking out friends to share with, commiserate with, and get support from. Perhaps the key to making sure that your girl talk stays in a good place is to share with friends about what’s going on, but start noticing when the same depressing topic becomes the focal point of every conversation. And if you’re not working on finding a positive solution to the problem, cut yourself off from the negative speak and move on to another topic!