Yesterday, I had the honor of being a part of Dove’s Self-Esteem Weekend, a 3-day event where Dove inspired thousands of organizations and individuals to gather together and realize the power women can make in the lives of building the self-esteem of girls. The Movement is about imagining a world where every girl grows up with the self-esteem she needs to reach her full potential, and where every woman enjoys feeling confident in her own beauty.

“Imagine the world of possibilities we can open up by helping to build self-esteem in the people we love most. Our movement is building a world where women everywhere have the tools to inspire each other and the girls in their lives.”

While my work most often involves talking with groups of girls about anything from media literacy to how to de-stress, for this weekend, I decided to pull together some of my favorite women here in Seattle to connect, build community, and enjoy some delicious cupcakes! I also asked each woman to answer the question Dove has posed to women everywhere: What do you wish you’d known at 13?

I loved seeing how every woman answered this question so differently, sharing their unique perspective and life-experience with the group. The end-result was a collection of powerful quotes which I pulled together to create this video. I hope you find these women and their message as inspiring as I do!

Also – check out this fabulous article on Huffington Post about the impact women can have on the self-esteem of girls by my friend, mentor, and Global Ambassador for the Dove Self-Esteem Fun, Jess Weiner!

Today, the National Organization for Women (NOW) and the Women’s Health Project want you to answer this question: Do you love what you see when you look in the mirror? If the answer is no, sadly, you’re not alone. You’re like millions of other women and girls struggling with negative body-image and self-esteem. To draw attention to this epidemic, NOW created Love Your Body Day. From their website:

“Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance? Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can’t use negative images to sell their products without our assistance. Together, we can fight back.”

How? Well, for starters, make the choice today to love your body and end the negative speak and “fat talk” (ie: these jeans make my butt look fat or I don’t look good in those kinds of sweaters because they make my stomach look big). Become media savvy (if you aren’t already) and be critical of the images you see on TV, in commercials, in magazine ads, in celebrity gossip ‘zines – remember that they’re designed to sell and profit essentially by making you feel like you’re not good enough just the way you are.

Hey, I’m not saying loving your body is easy. In fact, if you had asked me ten or twenty years ago if I loved what I saw in the mirror, on most days, my answer would be definitely not. In my late teens, twenties, and early thirties, I was still chasing what I perceived to be the ideal figure: I wanted to be much taller than my height of 5’4″, have skinny legs, lose most of the fat in my butt, and perhaps go up a cup size (at the very least). But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gradually had a shift in thinking, in part because it finally hit me that no amount of dieting or stair-mastering was going to result in a total body transformation, but mostly because I started to be grateful for what my body provided for me. As in, my body enables me to run, to hike, to play piano, to carry my child, to walk my dog, to be in the world the way I want to be. I’ve shifted my thinking to focusing on health and wellness instead of whether or not I can look good in a pair of 7 for All Mankind Jeans (the answer to that question is “no, I can’t”).

Do I still have days where I scowl upon discovery of a new wrinkle or examine how the elasticity of my skin is shifting (no one told me that was going to happen as I got older)? Yes. It’s kind of ironic, really, that just as I reached a point in my life where I became truly comfortable with my reflection, my body is changing. And as I continue to age, I know I’m going to have to constantly readjust my thinking about what I should see when I look into a mirror. But I’m up for the challenge. How about you?

It’s worth it to try. Check out this slide from the Love Your Body day website:

Sounds good to me!

If you’re struggling with loving your body today, and every day, try out one or more of these ideas for loving your body, courtesy of the NOW Foundation:

1. Indulge on your own terms. Whether it’s fresh veggies from the Farmer’s Market, or a pint of Häagen Dazs Vanilla Fudge ice cream or loving your body is also about loving your taste buds every once in a while.
2. Stretch your mind and body. Yoga—gentle yoga that encompasses relaxation and a healthy lifestyle, as well as meditative yoga—can bring one to the consciousness of their unique inner being. Yoga can rejuvenate the mind and body and teach us how to care for ourselves.
3. Read. It can be a source of entertainment, a way to catch up on current events or an educational tool. Several books have been published on loving your body—get some new ideas!
4. Throw a private party. It worked for India.Arie and it can work for you too. Take a day for yourself and yourself only. Turn off your cell and log out of your instant messenger. Just spend the day looking in the mirror and exploring your body. Once the celebration is over you’ll realize that you learn something new everyday.
5. Laugh out Loud. This isn’t just an Internet acronym spelled out. It’s an action that will do your body some good. Don’t be afraid to show the world your smile. It’s contagious.
6. Spend time with your family. Quality time is a must-have in nurturing relationships which in turn nurture and love your body.
7. Listen to positive music. Developing a theme song can do wonders for your body esteem and your overall outlook.
8. Develop a creative outlet. Everyone needs a medium to express daily stress and frustrations constructively. Maybe you’re a photographer, writer, poet or all three. Maybe you can knit, make shapes out of clay or finger paint. Loving your body is also about loving your mind.

If you’re looking for more ideas, check out Reflections, an organization aimed at helping sorority sisters establish and maintain a positive body images. They offer programs and resources online, including 5 things you can do now to promote positive image.

Lastly, check out my friend Dr. Robyn Silverman’s new book, , which explores weight obsession in girls. It’s a fantastic read, and is full of advice and resources for promoting a healthy body image and self esteem.

A few years ago, I featured an interview with YA author Tanya Lee Stone about her great novel A Bad Boy Can Be Good for a Girl. Well, today, I’m happy to be talking with Tanya again about her latest offering. While this book’s title also includes the words “good” and “bad,” that’s where the similarities end (besides being well-written of course!).

Tanya’s newest book is , and like any juicy “unauthorized” biography, it gives the real scoop on everything Barbie – how she came about, how she’s changed over the years, and the impact she’s had on our culture and lives.

Here’s the “official” description of the book:

Barbie just might be the most famous doll in the world. She’s represented fifty different nationalities. She’s stepped into the always-fashionable shoes of more than one hundred careers. She has been played with, studied, celebrated, and vilified for more than fifty years. And she   has unquestionably influenced generations of girls—whether that influence has been positive or negative depends on who you ask. When award-winning author Tanya Lee Stone started asking girls, boys, men, and women how they feel about Barbie, the first thing she discovered is how passionate people are about her.

The Good, the Bad, and the Barbie is part biography—both of the doll and of her inventor, Ruth Handler—and part exploration of the cultural phenomenon that is Barbie. Filled with personal anecdotes, memories, and opinions from people of all ages, and featuring original color and black and white photographs, this book is for anyone who understands that we’re all living in a Barbie world.

Truthfully, I wasn’t much into Barbie when I was younger. My sister may have had a few lying around, but I’m quite sure they ended up in a naked pile at the bottom of the toy chest. In fact, the only dolls I recall having were Donny and Marie dolls, my only memory of them being the time my sis and I decided they needed to update their look in the form of buzz cutts (for both). Despite my lack of history with Barbie, I found Tanya’s book fascinating…I loved hearing about the journey of Ruth Handler (she was a trailblazer for sure!) and to learn about how Barbie’s look and personality transformed over the years, as well as consider her impact on my generation.

I had a chance to ask Tanya a few questions about her new book…here’s our interview!

SGK: I thought it was interesting to read about how when Barbie first came out, she helped connect grandmothers with their granddaughters, as often grandma would sew clothes for the girl’s dolls. Do think Barbie still plays a role in bridging the gap between girls and their mothers or grandmothers today?

Tanya: I didn’t come across any evidence that that remains true today, sadly. I found those stories so heartwarming and sweet. Not too many people make doll clothes anymore, I suppose!

SGK: One thing that is clear from reading your book is that Barbie continues to be a highly controversial doll – some love her and some hate her. In your research, did you find any clear studies that pointed to Barbie’s figure, large breasts, long, blond hair, or pointed, tiny feet as playing a role in lowering girls’ self-esteem?

Tanya: It’s interesting that you use the term “clear studies” in your question, because I found a lot of anecdotal evidence on both sides of the argument but very few empirical studies with any kind of hard data. One interesting study that I cite in the book was conducted by Kuther and McDonald, and they discuss girls’ frustrations with Barbie’s perfection, but it didn’t go much farther than that. What it did show that I found interesting was that many girls took their frustrations out on the doll by cutting her hair or doing other things to her to express anger, but there was no discussion of the toll this did or did not take on the girls’ ideas of self-esteem.

SGK: In this era where children are bombarded with unhealthy media messages from day one, do you think Barbie’s perfect look and figure has the potential to have more or less of an impact on how girls see themselves?

Tanya: I actually think it has less of an impact now than historically, simply because there is so much worse out there! Seriously, a doll that only does what you make her do is pretty benign no matter what she looks like when compared to the technicolor, live-action nastiness that is all over the air waves – from pole-dancing underwear models on primetime TV commercials to the way girls and women are portrayed in music videos, television, and movies.

SGK: Barbie has been a “career girl” pretty much since her inception, and at the time she first came out, she was engaged in careers that weren’t even possible for girls to attain at the time. What role do you think she played in helping girls from that generation see their future as being full of choices she may have never dreamed of?

Tanya: The feedback I got on this topic from women who were girls in the early 60s pretty overwhelmingly pointed to the fact that the careers Barbie was able to have then were inspiring and did help open the eyes of many girls as to what was possible. Some of those stories were very touching.

SGK: If Barbie were a real young woman today, do you think she’d be the kind of girl who would visit Smart Girls Know?

Tanya: I would hope so. And so would Ruth. Ruth was all about thinking for yourself and making your life what you want it to be. She wanted girls to use Barbie as a vehicle for their imaginations to have no limit. My constant hope is that the message of beauty being skin deep and not a reflection of who we are is more the norm than the exception with this generation. That who you are and who you can become is what really matters. Just the other day, a friend of mine who has a 13-year-old daughter told me that when her daughter was asked what her best feature was, she replied, “My brain.” That says it all right there.

* * * * *

To buy Tanya’s book and read some of the amazing reviews it’s been getting, visit her website here.

Do you have a great idea for making a positive impact in your community, but you just don’t have the funds to get it going? Definitely check out the Pepsi Refresh Project, being done in collaboration with one of my favorite magazines, GOOD. Every month, Pepsi is awarding up to $1.3 million dollars to individuals, nonprofits, and pro-social businesses with ideas to make a difference.

All you need to do is be over the age of 13, a resident of the United States, and be one of the first thousand to get your submission in by that month’s deadline (the 15th of each month). Then since winners are chosen based on how many votes they get by visitors to the site, get as many people as you can to vote for your big idea! If you’re lucky, you could win a grant worth $5,000, $10,000, or even $250,000. Projects with the best chances of winning are feasible and can be completed 12 months from the date you receive the first funds. The project also has to have an impact within the US.

To find out which ideas are in the lead for this month’s giveaway, look at the Pepsi Refresh Project Current Leaders. This will you help you get a sense of what kind of ideas are being submitted and getting the most attention.

To submit your idea next month, fill out out the online application form between November 1 and November 15th!

If you’re a girl who rocks – whether just by the way you lead your life or because you literally like to “rock out” as a musician, you’ll want to know about the new site, Girls Rock Nation.

From the site, “Girl Rock Nation is a place to motivate and inspire young women to rock in whatever they do – picking up a guitar, writing a song, mixing sounds to make music or to rock in life. We are a meeting place for all ages, skill levels and disciplines.”

The mission for Girls Rock Nation is to empower women to participate in music, whether they play, produce, are songwriters or listen to music. They aim to provide a unifying message of support and encouragement for women and girls of all musical styles and abilities.

On the site, you’ll find videos, an Artists Corner featuring profiles of up and coming, strong female musical artists to help you get inspired, and some instructional videos featuring advice on becoming a great singer, songwriter, guitar player, or musician. For beginners it’s a great place to start, and for those who already know a thing or two about playing, performing, and production, it’s a place to become even better.

The site’s still relatively new, so all the bells and whistle’s aren’t fully set up yet. Be sure to check back as Girls Rock Nation gets built up in the coming months. To follow Girls Rock Nation on Facebook, .

When I was a teenager, answering machines had just been invented (many people didn’t even own one), and call waiting was nonexistent. There was no email, no Facebook, no IM’ing. What did this mean when it came to the dating scene? Most communication was done via notes passed in class or the occasional late-night phone conversation. If you were lucky enough to have a phone in your bedroom, this conversation could take place in relative privacy. If you didn’t, like me, you kept your convos short and sweet since your mom, dad, sister, and cat were likely all listening in.

My how things have changed. With just about everyone having a cell phone these days, getting in touch isn’t the problem. For many, the real challenge is staying out of touch. It can be hard to get some peace and quiet, especially when someone you’re dating has decided that your cell phone or computer is their way of staying virtually attached to you at the hip, no matter where you are, day or night.

To help teens deal with this, That’s Not Cool has emerged. This website provides teens with tools to handle it when and if you’re feeling pressure or being disrespected in cyberspace.  This national public education campaign uses digital examples of controlling, pressuring, and threatening behavior to raise awareness about and prevent teen dating abuse. You’ll find funny videos (can you say sock puppets?), games, discussion forums, and callout cards, all aimed at helping you figure out where you want to draw the digital line and providing you with ideas for gracefully getting out of awkward digital situations.

Check out this video, and then visit the That’s Not Cool site for more info!

I just got back LATE last night from a great weekend in New York City, where I got to speak to parents of girls at the 2nd Annual AllyKatzz Tween Summit, hang out with my besties, and enjoy a few gorgeous fall days in the city I used to call home.

The Summit was definitely a highlight, as I spent the day soaking in more girl energy than one can imagine, speaking with parents of girls about the ways they can empower their daughters to take charge of their personal stories, signing books, seeing friends, and making some new ones.

Highlights for me were getting to spend time with my mentor and overall inspiring shero Jess Weiner and teen social media whiz /founder of , Emily-Anne Rigal (perhaps better known as The Schmiddlebopper) and meeting some amazing women I admire, but until now, have only known through Twitter or Facebook, like Vanessa Van Patten, the guru behind the Radical Parenting website and the author of You’re Grounded: How to Stop Fighting and Make the Teenage Years Easier; Caitlin Boyle, author of the cool new book, ; and Melissa Walker, popular YA author, readergirlz Diva, and co-founder of the fabulous blog, iheartdaily.

Check out some pics of me with Jess, Caitlin, Melissa, and Emily, along with a shot from the Summit and a picture from the incredible High Line park in Chelsea, below.

If you are a tween girl living in or near New York City, it’s not too late to register for the Annual AllyKatzz Tween Summit, taking place this Sunday, October 10! Hundreds of Tween Girls from across the nation are joining together to SPEAK UP and BE HEARD by the world.

Girls will have the chance to meet people in high places including media, entertainment, fashion, sports and celebrities, as well as enjoy their very own VIP concert and amazing goody bags! Plus, the event is moderated by Actionist extraordinaire Jess Weiner, and features special guests like actress Monique Coleman, professional soccer player Heather O’Reilly, actress Tiffany Thornton, Olympic gold medalist Jessica Mendoza, and yours truly!

If you make it there, be sure to stop by and visit me – I’ll be raffling off copies of my books and giving a workshop to parents of girls attending the Summit.

Here are the deets you need to know:

Where is it? The Altman Building – 135 West 18th Street, New York, NY

When is it? Sunday, October 10, 2010. Sign in from 8-9am, and the Summit goes from 9am – 5:30pm

How much does it cost? Zip, zero, zilch…it’s FREE!

How do I register? Visit the AllyKatzz website to register today while there are still spots open!

I just read an article on one of my favorite blogs, Jezebel, about a group of cheerleaders in Connecticut who lobbied the school board at their high school to let them wear uniforms that were less skimpy.

Please watch this important message from Ellen DeGeneres about the recent suicide of college student Tyler Clementi, who killed himself last week after being outed online by his roommate. Bullying and intolerance has very real and tragic consequences, and we all need to do our part to stop the hate.

And if you are a LGBT teen or know someone who is, check out Dan Savage’s new YouTube channel, . On the channel, Dan and his husband Terry share their personal stories, and other same-sex couples are doing the same, all with the goal of letting teenagers know that they’re not alone, and that while life may be painful and challenging as a closeted or outed teenager, it does get better. Everyone has the possibility of falling in love, feeling joy and happiness, and creating the life they want.