I got an email from a friend this morning congratulating me on the mention of my upcoming book In Their Shoes in today’s newspaper. And I was like, Huh? What mention?

So I jumped online and there it was, my first official review for In Their Shoes, smack on the first page of the Northwest Life section of the Seattle Times. In an article entitled “Three Women’s Perspectives From Bedroom to Boardroom,” my book In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers, was highlighted, along with two other books from cool Seattle women – The Anti 9 to 5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube by Michelle Goodman and I’d Rather Eat Chocolate by Joan Sewell.

From the article:

In a time when the shelves of the Career section in any bookstore are overflowing, these two will still be standouts. They have a common strength: both motivate a reader to ponder what sort of job it will take to make her bound out of bed in the morning. (Or at least stop pulling the covers over her head and resetting the alarm.) Deborah Reber does the heavy lifting that few young job-seekers have the ability to do; Michelle Goodman delivers an honest, informed look at the perils and pluses of a freelance life.

“In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers” by Reber is aimed at a teen/young-adult reader. She profiles a few dozen women, from Seattle librarian Nancy Pearl to California Sen. Barbara Boxer to Sara Lynch, a nanny. Each career is described in a snappy graphic format covering responsibilities, educational backgrounds, salaries, stress levels, typical daily schedules and related occupations. In the end, she’s touched on more than 200 jobs.

Reber, a former children’s television writer, packs a ton of even-handed and useful info into a small space. Despite its youthful target audience (for whom Reber also wisely describes what each woman wears to work) “In Their Shoes” will appeal to some older women as well, especially those pondering career changes.

Read the entire article here.

Yay! This was a great way to start my Wednesday morning…hopefully there will be many more nice surprises like this one once my book comes out on April 10th.

You can get a sneak preview of In Their Shoes on my website, where I’ve posted my author’s journal which gives inside scoop into the interview and writing process of the book. Audio podcasts of some of the original interviews will be coming, too. Stay tuned…

**** Do you write for your school newspaper? Send me an if you’d like to review In Their Shoes for your school paper!

Sit back in your chair, or bed, or sofa. Close your eyes. Now LISTEN.

There are noises all around us. Music. TV. The hum of our computer. Traffic outside our window. An airplane flying overhead.

We’re bombarded with so many noises at any given time that most of us are pretty good at tuning out the world when we need to. But how do we handle it when we’re called on by our friends or family to tune in and listen?

Think about it. What did you do the last time your BFF cried on your shoulder about her crush crushing on someone else? Or when your brother or sister shared frustration over an incident at school? Or when a classmate complained to you about something going on in his or her personal life?

We might think we’re good listeners. We look at the person talking to us. We nod our head and throw in a few “uh huh’s” or “wow’s” at the appropriate times. But are we really hearing what’s going on? The reality is, most of us could use some improvement when it comes to tuning in to those around us.

Not truly listening to a friend or loved one can result in all kinds of problems:

• misunderstanding what another person is going through
• hurting someone else’s feelings
• making assumptions based on the wrong info
• giving people the people the impression we don’t care
• sending out the signal that what we have to say is more important than what others say
• losing out on future opportunities to be there for our friends when they need us most

One of the great things about being a good listener is that we start to get more out of our relationships. It’s really fascinating how it works, but truly being there for a friend turns us into the kinds of friends that others would do anything for.

Being a Good Listener

So, the next time a friend comes to you needing to talk, try out these listening techniques and see how they change the experience for you:

• focus on what your friend is saying and don’t think about what you’re going to say next or in response while he or she is talking
• head nods and facial expressions are a great way to let someone know that you’re tuning in
• take a breath and count to three before speaking to make sure that your friend has finished their thought
• ditch the high-tech gadgets and have important conversations face-to-face face, making eye contact with your friend while they’re sharing their thoughts
• if you’ve got to talk on the phone, don’t multitask – turn of the computer, close the books and focus on the conversation
• ask your friend what he or she needs from you – advice, insight, a different point of view – and then try to give them what they need

* * * * *

If you haven’t already done so, visit Smart Girls Know and check out my new posting, Lost Locker Files #1. From time to time I’ll be posting old essays and writings from my teen years that my mom just found in a box under my bed in my old house.

And don’t forget to share your thoughts on teens and stress for my new book here. If you’re interested in possibly being interviewed for the book, send me an with your contact info (name, age, city, email) and I’ll be in touch!

So, after living in their house in Reading, Pennsylvania for more than 37 years, my parents are packing up their furniture, personal belongings and memories to make a change and move to a smaller, more quaint, community. In cleaning out their house, my mom and dad have been unearthing many of my longforgotten (and sometimes embarrassing) treasures, including my 1984 Olympic paraphernalia (I was BEYOND obsessed with this event for some reason), crusty, old posters of my favorite bands of yesteryear (the Stray Cats, Loverboy, Rick Springfield, etc.), a collection of lobby poster of 80’s films from my years of working at the local movie theatre, and miscellaneous papers and homework from middle school, high school and college.

I just received a box of such goodies from my mom, and was surprised to find a collection of essays from my Advanced Composition class, senior year of high school. To give you insight into the kind of teen I was and further embarrass myself, I thought I’d post some of my teen writings here from time to time…going forward to be known as installments of the “Lost Locker Files.”

So, here goes. This first essay, entitled All For Your, Mr. Fox, sums up how I felt about one of my tasks at the above-mentioned job working at the local movie theatre. And now, for your reading pleasure…

All For You, Mr. Fox

Armed with a few measly plastic trash bags, I feebly entered the deserted movie theatre. Mentally preparing myself for the sickening task I was about to perform, I slowly started to venture down the aisle.

Beginning at the front of the theatre, I bent at the midrift to pick up a lonely gum wrapper. The sight I beheld in the following split-second was enough to make my heart stop. As I started at the floor, which had previously been hiden by the protecive shelter of the seats, a blank gaze veiled my shocked face.

Innumberable, undentified objects were strewn about the floor. Crushed popcorn containers made up the majority of trash. Like a well-trained army, the popcorn buckets were lined up and ready for attack. As I picked up an apparently empty popcorn container, I was greeting by a rushing tide of cold crumbs of popcorn. The popcorn, which had been lodged in the container by the residue of cold and sticky butter, poured mercilessly onto my hand.

I flinched in disgust as I proceeded to do my duty. Trying desperately to block my nasal passages from the appalling odor, I continued to plunge through the theatre. I came across an aisle which was unlike any other. The floor, which appeared as a plush yellowish carpet, was, upon inspection, recognized as an inch-thick layer of popcorn. Small brown and gray dust particles clung helplessly to the sticky film on the popcorn. Visualizing their scream for help, I smiled to myself as I trudged along.

The next aisle seemed to spit in my face as I nearly lost my balance. Normally, I wouldn’t have minded this; however, this particular aisle was the location of a “Diet Coke Spill.” Like a modern artstyle, drops of soda were splashed about the floor, creating patterns as it weaved in and out of the chairs throughout the theatre.

I overlooked this slight inconvenience and proceeded through the door with my trashbag of “goodies.” In the lobby of the movie theatre I was greeted by many happy faces; for at last the theatre was theirs to destroy.

Sarcastically, I raised my garbage collection and praised the name of my employer; “Here’s to you, Donald Fox!”

Grade: 89% – 2% for spelling errors = 87% B

* * * * *

For more on working teens, check out my friend and fellow blogger Anastasia Goodstein’s blog, Ypulse. Anastasia just posted an interesting piece about employment trends for teens, and summarizes the kinds of skills and values she learned while toiling away at her high school job at a bagel store.

I’d love to hear from you about your experiences if you’re a working teen. Do you think you’re gaining any valuable skills, no matter how menial the tasks involved? What’s your primary reason for working? Any nightmare experiences you want to share?

Kudos to Teen Voices’ Activist of the Month, Ana Slavin, a 16-year-old high school student from Northfield, Massachusetts. Ana and her friend Nick Anderson have created created the program Dollars for Darfur to raise awareness about the crisis there and get teens involved in raising relief funds. From their website:

We hope to raise $200,000 to help the people of Darfur. It won’t be easy, but we know that high school students are up to the task. There are over 27,000 high schools in the United States. If each school raised just $50, we could raise over one million dollars!

You’ll find everything you need to start a fundraising effort at your own school here. And don’t forget to check out their .

On a personal note…rock on, Ana and Nick! How awesome that you’re creating such incredible momentum and proving the point that we can all make a difference. You are an inspiration to us all!

* * * * *

International Women’s Day: Countries all over the world are celebrating International Women’s Day today, March 8. The annual event was started nearly 100 years ago to draw attention to the inequalities faced by women throughout the world, and has evolved today to focus primarily on celebrating their achievements and inspiring women everywhere.

From the official website:
The new millennium has witnessed a significant change and attitudinal shift in both women’s and society’s thoughts about women’s equality and emancipation. Many from a younger generation feel that all the battles have been won for women while many feminists from the 1970’s know only too well the longevity and ingrained complexity of patriarchy.

The unfortunate fact is that women are still not paid equally to that of their male counterparts, women are still not present in equal numbers in business or politics, and globally women’s education, health and the violence against them is worse than that of men.

However, great improvements have been made. We do have female astronauts and prime ministers, school girls are welcomed into university, women can work and have a family, women have real choices.

To find out more about events happening through the U.S., visit IWD’s events page.

Kudos to Teen Voices’ Activist of the Month, Ana Slavin, a 16-year-old high school student from Northfield, Massachusetts. Ana and her friend Nick Anderson have created created the program Dollars for Darfur to raise awareness about the crisis there and get teens involved in raising relief funds. From their website:

We hope to raise $200,000 to help the people of Darfur. It won’t be easy, but we know that high school students are up to the task. There are over 27,000 high schools in the United States. If each school raised just $50, we could raise over one million dollars!

You’ll find everything you need to start a fundraising effort at your own school here. And don’t forget to check out their .

On a personal note…rock on, Ana and Nick! How awesome that you’re creating such incredible momentum and proving the point that we can all make a difference. You are an inspiration to us all!

* * * * *

International Women’s Day: Countries all over the world are celebrating International Women’s Day today, March 8. The annual event was started nearly 100 years ago to draw attention to the inequalities faced by women throughout the world, and has evolved today to focus primarily on celebrating their achievements and inspiring women everywhere.

From the official website:
The new millennium has witnessed a significant change and attitudinal shift in both women’s and society’s thoughts about women’s equality and emancipation. Many from a younger generation feel that all the battles have been won for women while many feminists from the 1970’s know only too well the longevity and ingrained complexity of patriarchy.

The unfortunate fact is that women are still not paid equally to that of their male counterparts, women are still not present in equal numbers in business or politics, and globally women’s education, health and the violence against them is worse than that of men.

However, great improvements have been made. We do have female astronauts and prime ministers, school girls are welcomed into university, women can work and have a family, women have real choices.

To find out more about events happening through the U.S., visit IWD’s events page.

Here are some highlights of interesting news items about teen girls over the past week:

Project Girl Exposes How Girls Are Used By the Media: If you live in Madison, Wisconson, check out Project Girl’s exhibition at Edgewood College which looks at how girls are portrayed in popular media and culture. The program, funded in part by Girls Inc., teaches middle school girls how to look at how they are portrayed in advertising, TV and films more critically and spread the message that they are perfect just the way they are. Project Girl hopes to take their exhibition across the country soon!

Interested in a Career in Real Estate? Check out CREW Careers, a career program aimed at educating teen girls about what it takes to work in commercial real-estate, a career field which is dominated by men. Local chapters in more than 50 cities across the country sponsor workshops for teen girls to learn about the industry and meet with successful women in the field.

Are you a working teen? A new report from the University of North Carolina said that many teens ages 14-18 are working longer hours then they should, aren’t properly trained in on-the-job safety, and are often unsupervised in dangerous situations. The report also said that girls were more likely than boys to have jobs involving the handling of cash, which exposes them to more robbery risks. Besides the obvious problems here, the report said that many of the things teens are asked to do in their jobs actually violate child labor laws.

I don’t know that I worked in dangerous conditions, but as a teen I definitely pulled long hours…juggling three different jobs: as a waitress and as a cashier at a movie theatre and a clothing outlet. I generally worked more than 20 hours a week, and frequently pulled double shifts on the weekends. And while I’m sure that in some ways working had a negative impact on my studies, I also think it went a long way in teaching me about the value of money and how to be (fairly) responsible. To read more about my work history, check out my FAQs on my website.

What is your experience? Do you have a parttime job while juggling the demands of school and life? Have you felt like you were in over your head at work? Have you ever been in a dangerous situation on the job?

Girls World Explosion: This cool first-ever one-day event was held on March 3rd, 2007 in Southern California to expose girls ages 10-18 to all kinds of careers – from dancer and pro athlete to working in nonprofit or law enforcement. According to the website, “This is a time when girls need positive mentors, new career choices, a healthy body image and a strong, bold, energized mind! Just imagine what girls this age could do and be in 10, 20 or 50 years!! They are our future and a force to be reckoned with!” I couldn’t agree more!

For many of us, being labeled starts before we can even talk.

She’s got a strong will OR she’s pretty mellow OR she’s been challenging since the day she was born.

Then we get older, and the labels really start piling on.

She’s really good at math OR she doesn’t have an ounce of common sense OR her sister is the creative one.

Whether these labels come from our parents, our teachers, or our friends, by the time we’re old enough to start figuring out who we are for ourselves, we’ve been labeled so many times that it can be hard to tell where the labels start and we begin.

What’s worse, if we’re told we are or aren’t something enough times (like smart or dumb or ugly or lazy), we may start to believe it’s actually true.

If you want to see what I mean, try this experiment. Grab your journal or a piece of paper and write down 10 different words or phrases that describe you – use the first ones that pop into your head.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Done? Okay. Now take a look at the list you wrote and see how many of the words or ideas were put in your head by other people. If the idea came from someone else, then write that down after the word. Here are five items from my list as an example:

1. loud mouth (came from my parents and sister always telling me that I talked too loudly)
2. not smart enough (came from having a sister who was in the National Honor Society, valedictorian of her graduating class and just general all-around brainiac while I was an average student)
3. not serious (came from a number of my teachers in middle school and high school who mistook my sense of humor for a lack of motivation)
4. stubborn (many people have called me this, including my parents, former bosses, and friends)
5. indecisive or wishy washy (came primarily from my parents as a response to my constantly changing my mind or wanting to explore new things)

So, what does your list look like? If you have even one label on your list that was placed on you by someone else, then how you view your talents, abilities…even your own sense of self, is probably based on misinformation.

The great news is, it’s never too late to dig beneath our labels and discover who we are for ourselves. So why not start right now?

Go back to your list of words that you wrote down. Now take one that was suggested to you by someone else and redefine it. Here’s an example of how I’d redefine the first thing on my list.

1. Loud mouth. I’m full of life and energy, and when I’m excited about something, I love to let that excitement come through in my voice.

Now you try it. See if you’re able to come up with a list that feels more like the person you see yourself as being.

Once you take the time to discover who you are on your own terms and dump other people’s labels, you just might find you have the strength, energy and ability to do more than you ever thought possible!

Aloha again. Goodbye warm weather, rain forest hikes and heaps of dried lava.

Hello rain, rare sun breaks, and leaf-less trees.

It does feel good to be home, though, despite the fact that I’m jet-lagged and wiped out from our trip home from Hawaii yesterday. Here are a couple of numbers that came to mind this morning as I try to transition from vacation mode to life mode:

15+ = the number of hours we traveled yesterday to get from our cottage in Pahoa to our house in Seattle

5 = the number of days I went without having cell phone reception or access to the Internet

388 = the number of emails waiting in my inbox

4 = the number of Fig Newtons I had for breakfast this morning since my fridge is completely empty

2 = the number of Diet Cokes I’ve already had in attempt to inject caffeine into my body

17 = the number of messages waiting for me on my answering machine

90 = the number of days until my manuscript for my book on teens and stress is due to my publisher

3 = the number of new friends requests on my

6 = the number of hours of sleep I got last night

4 = the number of hours I’ll be able to work this morning before my brain shuts down and I have to take a nap

10 = the number of hours worth of American Idol waiting for me on my TIVO (it’s going to be a busy weekend!)

All that said, there’s no place I’d rather be… I hope all is well in your life!

Love & Peace,

Debbie

P.S. As a follow-up to my last entry about Body Image Mathematics, I did keep my word and do my best to stop thinking about how I looked in my bikini and focus instead on being in the moment. I did not say one more thing to my husband about my bloat factor, my cellulite or my lack of healthy eating while in Hawaii. But did it actually make me feel better? Yes, a little. I can’t say that I still didn’t have negative body image thoughts, but when did come along, I booted them out of my head and didn’t look back. And that definitely had a positve impact on my frame of mind.