Help for a Stressed-Out Teen

From my inbox:

Hi, my name is Samantha, I am 13 years old. When I first saw your book CHILL, I thought it wouldn’t do me any good, but after I read it, it really started helping me. Another stress-reduction technique that works for me is reading books. While I’m reading, I feel like I’m a character, acting out the scenes. But when I finish a chapter, all my stress and work floods back into my brain. Is it normal for a girl this young to stress out over little things? I also stress out over high school choices. I need your help. Thank you for reading this.

Samantha

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Dear Samantha,

Thank you so much for writing to me! I’m happy to hear that CHILL has been helping you out. I’m sorry to hear that you’re so stressed out at the moment. You asked me if it’s normal for a 13-year-old girl to be so stressed out over little things, and I answer that by saying, you’re certainly not alone in feeling that way. That doesn’t make it normal, or okay even, but it is definitely a state of being that many girls and boys your age are experiencing.

It might take some time for you to figure out how to reduce your stress in a way that lasts more than a few minutes here or there, although I’m glad to hear that reading is a good form of escapism for you – it’s good to know what works for you. What I suggest is doing what I do – GET PROACTIVE.

How? I actually keep a chart of the things I need to do to keep myself from getting too stressed out and being overwhelmed to the point that I can’t break the cycle. My chart includes the days of the week, coupled with a list of things I try to do every day or at least every other day that help me feel balanced. What’s on the chart varies, depending on what kind of music I’m listening to or what I’m into at that particular time. Right now, my chart includes things like: go for a run or exercise, take a hot shower, take a 15-minute nap, play music from GLEE (loudly) or the soundtrack from Across the Universe, talk to my sister on the phone, make sure I get at least 7 hours of sleep, spend a half-hour reading for pleasure, and so on. Then I keep this chart on my desk where I can see it, and I make sure that I’m checking off a majority of these things every day. By consciously doing those things that I already know help me feel good, I also feel more balanced and in control of my life. And it’s a known fact that being in control of one’s experience is an instant stress reducer. Lastly, once you get into the habit of doing the things you need to do for yourself daily to stay in balance, it will eventually become second nature.

With all that said, please know that while feeling stressed out isn’t unusual for a teenager, experiencing deep depression, feeling suicidal, and/or engaging in harmful behaviors like self-mutilation or unhealthy eating are symptoms of much more serious problems that require professional help. If this is the case, please check out these resources for where to start in getting the support you need:

Depression & Suicide Prevention

• Girls and Boys Town 24-hour National Hotline – 1-
• National Suicide Hotline – 1-
• Samariteens Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-252-TEEN

Eating Disorders

• Bulimia and self-help 24-hour hotline –
• National Eating Disorders Association
• Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention – 1-
• National Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center –

Self-Mutiliation

S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends)

Thank you for writing to me, Samantha…asking for support is another great way to take care of yourself and reduce your stress!

XOXO Debbie

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Are you interested in being proactive in reducing the stress in your life and staying balanced? You can download a blank version of my STAY CHILL CHART here. Let me know if you try it and good luck!