AFFIRMATION: Smart Girls Know That Jealousy is a Waste of Time

Jealousy can come in all shapes and sizes. There’s big-time jealousy – the type that rears its head when you wish your entire existence was as perfect, as easy, as wonderful, as someone else’s seems to be. There’s fleeting jealousy – the kind that’s nothing more than a tinge of envy over someone’s higher grade on the math quiz. And then there’s something in between.

Whatever the magnitude, there’s no doubt that jealously is U-G-L-Y.

Dictionary.com defines jealousy as “feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.” The key word in that definition? Resentment.

Having feelings of jealousy is totally normal…we all feel that way from time to time. But when those feelings fester and morph into things like resentment, anger, and hostility, then it’s time to get a grip and figure out what’s really going on.

My theory? Your jealous feelings aren’t about somebody else at all. They’re about YOU.

Here’s another way to think about it: when we’re feeling intense jealousy about somebody else, what we’re really saying is, “I’m not as good (or valuable, or smart, or pretty, or lucky, or privileged, or whatever) as [insert name here].” So instead of giving off hostile energy toward someone else, why not go straight to the source…yourself?

Easier said than done. I should know. Jealousy has always been one of my “issues.” I used to have a real hard time celebrating successes of other people without wondering what was wrong with me. And it really bummed me out. I hated the way the jealousy made me feel and what it did to my own self-esteem. I won’t tell you that I’ve got it all figured out and the ugly green monster doesn’t crop up from time to time, but I try to stomp it right back down when it does!

How about you? Are you ready stop wasting energy with jealousy? Then do it! The next time you are feeling envious or jealous of another person, whip out a piece of paper and think through these questions:

• What am I telling myself that’s making me feel this way?
• Does what I’m telling myself make any sense or am I being irrational?
• What is it about the other persons success (happiness, luck, looks, etc.) that makes me upset?
• What is one thing I could do to distract myself from this jealous feeling?

Once you’ve gone through these questions, there’s one thing left to do. Take a sec and write down 5 things that you are thankful for. This could be anything from your pet goldfish to your natural gift of playing the piano. You’ll be surprised at how quickly remembering the things in our life that uniquely bring us joy nips jealousy in the bud.

Caution: Don’t expect to do this once and immediately banish your jealous feelings forever (although if you do, please write in and tell me how you did it!). But I have a feeling that once you start becoming more aware of the kinds of things that make you feel jealous and you work through those feelings in a healthy way, you just might eventually make sightings of that green beast of envy as rare as an endangered species.

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Reminder: If you haven’t done so already, visit my website to help out my friend, inspirational author, speaker and “actionist,” Jessica Weiner, with a new survey.