Jealousy can come in all shapes and sizes. There’s big-time jealousy – the type that rears its head when you wish your entire existence was as perfect, as easy, as wonderful, as someone else’s seems to be. There’s fleeting jealousy – the kind that’s nothing more than a tinge of envy over someone’s higher grade on the math quiz. And then there’s something in between.

Whatever the magnitude, there’s no doubt that jealously is U-G-L-Y.

Dictionary.com defines jealousy as “feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.” The key word in that definition? Resentment.

Having feelings of jealousy is totally normal…we all feel that way from time to time. But when those feelings fester and morph into things like resentment, anger, and hostility, then it’s time to get a grip and figure out what’s really going on.

My theory? Your jealous feelings aren’t about somebody else at all. They’re about YOU.

Here’s another way to think about it: when we’re feeling intense jealousy about somebody else, what we’re really saying is, “I’m not as good (or valuable, or smart, or pretty, or lucky, or privileged, or whatever) as [insert name here].” So instead of giving off hostile energy toward someone else, why not go straight to the source…yourself?

Easier said than done. I should know. Jealousy has always been one of my “issues.” I used to have a real hard time celebrating successes of other people without wondering what was wrong with me. And it really bummed me out. I hated the way the jealousy made me feel and what it did to my own self-esteem. I won’t tell you that I’ve got it all figured out and the ugly green monster doesn’t crop up from time to time, but I try to stomp it right back down when it does!

How about you? Are you ready stop wasting energy with jealousy? Then do it! The next time you are feeling envious or jealous of another person, whip out a piece of paper and think through these questions:

• What am I telling myself that’s making me feel this way?
• Does what I’m telling myself make any sense or am I being irrational?
• What is it about the other persons success (happiness, luck, looks, etc.) that makes me upset?
• What is one thing I could do to distract myself from this jealous feeling?

Once you’ve gone through these questions, there’s one thing left to do. Take a sec and write down 5 things that you are thankful for. This could be anything from your pet goldfish to your natural gift of playing the piano. You’ll be surprised at how quickly remembering the things in our life that uniquely bring us joy nips jealousy in the bud.

Caution: Don’t expect to do this once and immediately banish your jealous feelings forever (although if you do, please write in and tell me how you did it!). But I have a feeling that once you start becoming more aware of the kinds of things that make you feel jealous and you work through those feelings in a healthy way, you just might eventually make sightings of that green beast of envy as rare as an endangered species.

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Reminder: If you haven’t done so already, visit my website to help out my friend, inspirational author, speaker and “actionist,” Jessica Weiner, with a new survey.

Whether you want to take wedding photos or have your pics grace the cover of National Geographic Magazine someday, if you’ve got an interest in a career in photography, download the featured podcast on the website for my book, In Their Shoes.

Here you can listen to my original audio interview with photographer Amanda Koster. And you couldn’t find a more inspirational photographer to listen to. Not only has Amanda had her work appear in tons of magazines, including Newsweek, People, TIME, Fortune, Business Week, Sunset, and many more, but she also takes on incredibly cool personal photo projects, like her AIDS is Knocking project about AIDS in Kenya, and her This is Beautiful project, which takes a look at the innate beauty in all women.

Amanda inspired me so much in our conversation…check it out and listen for yourself!

Today is the MS. Foundation’s awesome annual event, “Take Your Daughters & Sons to Work Day” (It was just “Take Your Daughters to Work Day” until five years ago, when boys were added to the mix).

If you haven’t heard of this before, here’s how its described on their website: Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work^® Day is designed to expand opportunities for girls and boys, expose them to what adults in their lives do during the work day, show them the value of their education, and give them an opportunity to share how they envision their future. It is intended to be more than a career day.

I LOVE the idea of Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day (especially the daughters part). I think it’s so cool that millions of girls and boys around the country have the chance to spend a day “on the job” and see what really goes on behind the scenes. And girls who participate say it benefits them too. Here are some interesting stats from the MS. Foundation:

Girls believe the program improved their life…

• Eighty-two percent believe that being involved exposed them to things they would not have experienced otherwise.
• Eighty-seven percent agree that participating made them feel special and appreciated.
• Eighty-two percent agree the experience strengthened their relationship with a parent or other adult in their life.

Have you participated in Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, either this year or in the past? I’d love to post some stories from teens about their experiences, so please either leave a comment here, or email me with your thoughts!

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PS… This morning my publisher, Simon Pulse, handed out free mini-versions of my new career book for teen girls, In Their Shoes, at Grand Central Station in NYC to daughters taking part in the day as a way to celebrate…how cool is that?

Today is the MS. Foundation’s awesome annual event, “Take Your Daughters & Sons to Work Day” (It was just “Take Your Daughters to Work Day” until five years ago, when boys were added to the mix).

If you haven’t heard of this before, here’s how its described on their website: Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work^® Day is designed to expand opportunities for girls and boys, expose them to what adults in their lives do during the work day, show them the value of their education, and give them an opportunity to share how they envision their future. It is intended to be more than a career day.

I LOVE the idea of Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day (especially the daughters part). I think it’s so cool that millions of girls and boys around the country have the chance to spend a day “on the job” and see what really goes on behind the scenes. And girls who participate say it benefits them too. Here are some interesting stats from the MS. Foundation:

Girls believe the program improved their life…

• Eighty-two percent believe that being involved exposed them to things they would not have experienced otherwise.
• Eighty-seven percent agree that participating made them feel special and appreciated.
• Eighty-two percent agree the experience strengthened their relationship with a parent or other adult in their life.

Have you participated in Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, either this year or in the past? I’d love to post some stories from teens about their experiences, so please either leave a comment here, or email me with your thoughts!

* * * * *

PS… This morning my publisher, Simon Pulse, handed out free mini-versions of my new career book for teen girls, In Their Shoes, at Grand Central Station in NYC to daughters taking part in the day as a way to celebrate…how cool is that?

Hello! I just got these pictures from my good friend and photographer Kip Beelman, who was kind enough to snap photos at my book release party on Monday night. Here are a few shots from the event that I wanted to share. To see all of the pictures, visit this site. Enjoy!

Hello! I just got these pictures from my good friend and photographer Kip Beelman, who was kind enough to snap photos at my book release party on Monday night. Here are a few shots from the event that I wanted to share. To see all of the pictures, visit this site. Enjoy!

Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks by fear? I’m not talking about horror flick, haunted house, psycho-on-the-loose fear. I’m talking about the kind of fear that we create all by ourselves and creeps into our psyche without us even knowing it.

There are little fears – the kind that give you butterflies right before jumping off the high dive. Then there are big fears – those that keep us from applying to our dream school because don’t think we could handle the rejection if we don’t get in.

Fear is a powerful thing. Depending on how we respond to it, fear can either drive our life or be just a fleeting distraction.

How big of a role does fear play in your life? How would you answer these questions?

• Do you ever say “yes” to something you don’t want to do because you don’t want to disappoint another person?
• Have you ever turned down a potentially awesome opportunity because you didn’t know if it would work out as you hoped?
• Did you ever not go for something you wanted because you didn’t think your chances of getting it were very good?

If you said “yes” to any of these, then you’ve let fear guide you. And when you do that, it’s kind of like saying “no” to life.

Take the “Conquer Your Fear Challenge”:

Okay. So here’s my challenge to you for the week. For the next seven days, don’t let fear make your choices for you. Here’s what to do:

* The next time you’re in a situation where you have a choice of whether or not to do something – it could be volunteering to read your personal essay out loud at school, taking on an extra shift at work, applying to a college out of state, blowing your allowance on designer jeans – ask yourself this question: “Why do I want to do this?” or “Why don’t I want to do this?”

* If you answer this question with something negative – “I’m getting these designer jeans I can’t afford because if I don’t, people will think I’m not cool,” or “I don’t want to volunteer to read my paper out loud because people will judge me,” or “I don’t want to leave my hometown by going out-of-state to college because it would be too hard” – then you’re letting fear guide you.

If you’re making a choice out of fear, try saying “no” to the fear and “yes” to life! “Who cares if people don’t like my personal style. I don’t want to waste my money on jeans just to look cool” or “I need to put myself out there and see what happens…if I don’t take chances, I’ll never find out what I might be missing out on.”

Take action! Apply to that college…read that essay out loud…say “no” to the fancy jeans. I guarantee that you’ll be happy with the results. There’s nothing more empowering than conquering a fear. And the best part is, it gets easier and easier the more you do it.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

* * * * *

Take the Survey!

Speaking of taking action, my good friend and amazingly inspirational author, speaker and “actionist,” Jessica Weiner, needs your help with a new survey. Please click on the link on the left to take the “Actionist Survey with Jess.”

Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks by fear? I’m not talking about horror flick, haunted house, psycho-on-the-loose fear. I’m talking about the kind of fear that we create all by ourselves and creeps into our psyche without us even knowing it.

There are little fears – the kind that give you butterflies right before jumping off the high dive. Then there are big fears – those that keep us from applying to our dream school because don’t think we could handle the rejection if we don’t get in.

Fear is a powerful thing. Depending on how we respond to it, fear can either drive our life or be just a fleeting distraction.

How big of a role does fear play in your life? How would you answer these questions?

• Do you ever say “yes” to something you don’t want to do because you don’t want to disappoint another person?
• Have you ever turned down a potentially awesome opportunity because you didn’t know if it would work out as you hoped?
• Did you ever not go for something you wanted because you didn’t think your chances of getting it were very good?

If you said “yes” to any of these, then you’ve let fear guide you. And when you do that, it’s kind of like saying “no” to life.

Take the “Conquer Your Fear Challenge”:

Okay. So here’s my challenge to you for the week. For the next seven days, don’t let fear make your choices for you. Here’s what to do:

* The next time you’re in a situation where you have a choice of whether or not to do something – it could be volunteering to read your personal essay out loud at school, taking on an extra shift at work, applying to a college out of state, blowing your allowance on designer jeans – ask yourself this question: “Why do I want to do this?” or “Why don’t I want to do this?”

* If you answer this question with something negative – “I’m getting these designer jeans I can’t afford because if I don’t, people will think I’m not cool,” or “I don’t want to volunteer to read my paper out loud because people will judge me,” or “I don’t want to leave my hometown by going out-of-state to college because it would be too hard” – then you’re letting fear guide you.

If you’re making a choice out of fear, try saying “no” to the fear and “yes” to life! “Who cares if people don’t like my personal style. I don’t want to waste my money on jeans just to look cool” or “I need to put myself out there and see what happens…if I don’t take chances, I’ll never find out what I might be missing out on.”

Take action! Apply to that college…read that essay out loud…say “no” to the fancy jeans. I guarantee that you’ll be happy with the results. There’s nothing more empowering than conquering a fear. And the best part is, it gets easier and easier the more you do it.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

* * * * *

Take the Survey!

Speaking of taking action, my good friend and amazingly inspirational author, speaker and “actionist,” Jessica Weiner, needs your help with a new survey. Please click on the link on the left to take the “Actionist Survey with Jess.”

Last night was the book release party for In Their Shoes at the coolest bookstore in Seattle, Elliott Bay Book Co. It’s been a crazy busy week trying to get everything done for the party, but it was worth all of the hard work. The party was a blast and everything went off without a hitch. I’ll blog more about it later, but wanted to share this pic with you for now…

And keep an eye out for the Smart Girls Know Affirmation of the Week later today!

Peace & Love,

Debbie

Last night was the book release party for In Their Shoes at the coolest bookstore in Seattle, Elliott Bay Book Co. It’s been a crazy busy week trying to get everything done for the party, but it was worth all of the hard work. The party was a blast and everything went off without a hitch. I’ll blog more about it later, but wanted to share this pic with you for now…

And keep an eye out for the Smart Girls Know Affirmation of the Week later today!

Peace & Love,

Debbie