When I think of “values” – a.k.a. those beliefs that matter most to us – I think of my own personal core values…things like compassion, joy, honesty, authenticity, respect. But a recent article on CNN about a study published in the Journal of Psychology Research on Cyberspace found that TV shows most popular with kids ages 9-11 hold “fame” as their number one value. (Hannah Montana, see left, being one of them.) According to the study, this emphasis on fame indicates a major shift: in 1997, the number one value promoted in shows watched by 9-11 year olds was “community feeling,” or the idea of being part of a community, while fame came in 15th out of 16 different values. Today, the roles are reversed: fame is number one and community feeling has dropped to 11th.

Does consuming TV shows that promote fame as the top value have any real impact on young viewers? The researchers behind this study think so. Since fame as an ambition is fairly unrealistic and isn’t tied to academic achievement, some believe tweens could have less motivation to succeed in school which may impact them negatively in the future.

When I was a young girl, I loved to sing. (Okay…I still do). I remember watching Star Search with host Ed McMahon (yes, dating myself) and wishing that could be me up on that stage singing her head off. I dreamed of being on Broadway, of performing…of fame. And it makes complete sense…I grew up at a time when the movie FAME (the original one!) was the “it” movie. I dreamed of going to the High School of Performing Arts and being a struggling singer / actor in the Big Apple. For me, fame was something I dreamed of, just like I dreamed of being an animal conservationist and living with Giant Pandas in China or bicycling across the country or becoming a hot-shot news producer like Holly Hunter’s character in the movie Broadcast News. But I wouldn’t have identified “fame” as a “value” of mine. My values centered around my desire to be a good friend, to help others, and to laugh as much as possible.

Of course, that was before reality TV took over and becoming “famous” for doing very little other than appearing on a reality show became an actual possibility. And there’s no denying that these days being famous just for the sake of it has become a top “career choice” for many girls. Thousands of girls aspire to be a “celebrity” so they can live the glammed up lifestyle we see portrayed in the media…red-carpet premieres, Hollywood parties, the latest in fashion, entourages, invitations, wealth.

The problem is, just like everything in life, things aren’t always what they appear – being a celebrity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Don’t believe me? How would you like it if…

• there were photographers camping out outside your house 24 hours a day?
• every little thing you did (the good and the bad) was gossiped about on TV, on blogs, and in magazines
• the word “privacy” was no longer a part of your vocabulary
• people wanted to be your friend for all the wrong reasons
• you constantly had to beware of people trying to steal your money and take advantage of you
• your physical appearance – from your hair color and shoes to your weight and complexion – was constantly being scrutinized
• one wrong career move could mean the end of your lifestyle as you know it
• people expect you to be a perfect role model, when really, you’re only human

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard enough time dealing with my own insecurities and bad-hair days without reading about them in US Weekly.

Pursuing a life of fame and celebrity in the hopes of achieving a lifestyle that we see on MTV Movie Awards pre-show is kind of like chasing a phantom. Because the life that we see from the outside doesn’t exist.

My recommendation? Don’t think about your career goals in terms of what you want to have. Think of them in terms of what you want to learn…how you want to grow…what kind of a positive impact you want to make in the world. Hone in on the core values that go beneath the surface and resonate with how you can be your best self every day. If you can reach these goals, then you really will have it all.

My dear friend and mentor Jess Weiner, author of and the Global Ambassador for the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, is in the national spotlight again, this time with an important, and some say controversial, article in this month’s Glamour Magazine.

In her very honest piece, “Loving My Body Almost Killed Me,” Jess writes about her personal journey of body acceptance. In the past several years, Jess examined her approach of encouraging overweight women to accept their bodies at any size after discovering she had some health-related challenges, including being on the verge of becoming diabetic. That fateful doctor’s visit resulted in Jess developing the Conscious Weight Wellness ™ movement, in which Jess encourages women to use their knowledge of their weight as a barometer of their health, not their value as a person.

After the piece came out, I checked in with Jess to find out more about how her journey can positively impact teens. Here’s my question and Jess’s answer:

Me: Body acceptance is just one of many factors most teens struggle with – acceptance to fit in, acceptance into certain cliques and groups, acceptance for sexual orientation, acceptance to be seen as who you are. How might your message of Conscious Weight Wellness translate into these others aspects of teens’ lives?

Jess: My hope with Conscious Weight Wellness is that teens focus on the word Conscious – which is to be aware – to be awakened to your bigger purpose – and to gently inquire within. Whether you are dealing w/ weight, sexuality, or other identity issues that can seem overwhelming and put a lot of pressure on you to ‘fit in’ the consciousness I want to encourage is one that allows you to see your true worth – to ask hard questions of yourself and others – and to know that while you really are valuable just as you are, there is also nothing wrong with seeking to enhance, shift or change areas of your life (or beliefs) as you grow. We are fluid. Our lives are not static. We change and grow – and that includes our beliefs about ourselves, our bodies, and others. Don’t be afraid to allow that growth – be gentle with yourself – and be conscious that the changes you are making are coming from deep within and not a desire to solely please someone else. In particular with girls and weight – I want girls who struggle with being overweight to know that wanting to lose weight is okay as long as it is in combination with the other numbers associated with their health (cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugars, etc.) – and that they recognize that their worth is not just about a number on the scale – they are worthy of full and complete confidence which comes from taking care of yourself inside and out!

I love that answer and the openness with which Jess is going about this shift. In putting her story out there, Jess is so powerfully demonstrating one of my core beliefs: When you speak your truth, challenging though it may be, everyone, including yourself, benefits.

Though Jess admits she has been concerned about a backlash from some about her change in philosophy, she knows it was worth it to boldly speak her truth about body acceptance. Jess’s willingness to have the hard conversations, model beautiful authenticity, and be vulnerable as a way to inspire others is what makes her one of the most powerful role models I know.